Ellie's Blog Attempt

Rethinking Halloween

2010-10-14T22:11:00.001-06:00

Romans 15: 5-9
5 One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind. 6 He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord; and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it. He who eats, eats to the Lord, for he gives God thanks; and he who does not eat, to the Lord he does not eat, and gives God thanks. 7 For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself. 8 For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. 9 For to this end Christ died and rose and lived again, that He might be Lord of both the dead and the living.

Welcome to October. Its time to carve ghastly faces out of pumpkins, buy your obligatory sugar treats coated with even more sugar and watch preteen girls change themselves into something resembling more of a Gray’s Anatomy chart than a “French Maid”. The latter scenario involves an investigation of anyone wishing to dress up for October 31 festivities. The investigation requires no legal authorities, nor does it entail a review of Halloween’s origins. For anyone who knows a child this examination is crucial. It poses the ultimate question: Who or what influences a child (anyone under age 18) to choose their own costume?

A child is born. Said child grows older and by the time the child hears the phrases, “You’ll understand when you are older” and “You can do that when you grow up” a hundred times each they unrealistically determine that they are an adult. And we, unfortunately, as adults, dream of being children again. As babies our parents dressed us up in ridiculous outfits without needing Halloween as an excuse. How many family Easter and Christmas cards show exasperated tots in exaggerated bows, dresses adorned with yards of fluffy tulle and three-piece suits with a clip-on tie and penny loafers (currency included!)? Creatively costuming ourselves (and others) to be something we are not has always been a harmless tradition. Or has it?

We bring our children into stores which display dozens of aisles of intriguing uniforms without giving a thought to the power of our purchase. When your child approaches you with a mask sure to terrify Grandma out of her Depends do we scream, laugh and then place the item in the cart? What would happen if before you ventured out for that perfect costume you sat down and asked your children the following questions?

1. What do you want to dress up as for Halloween? Why?
2. Do you know what your friend’s costumes will be? If so, why do you think they chose it?

Asking those questions is not “interference”. It isn’t harmful, it protects our children. A fourteen year old girl should never wear revealing attire. According to the Bible, sex is for marriage alone and enticing another to “take notice” of something they legally and morally cannot have is beyond ludicrous. Minors do not have the “right” (no matter how much they argue) to dress provocatively. Boys, although having more militant objectives in their play, should not dress as though they have aspirations of becoming a serial killer.

When in doubt, ponder the following:
1. Does this costume choice allow others more comfort to engage in behavior/conversation in which I wouldn’t want my child to participate?
2. Does this costume reflect Biblical standards of modesty and purity?
3. Could I bring my child, in the costume they want, to church?

Romans 14: 8-9

For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. For to this end Christ died and rose and lived again, that He might be Lord of both the dead and the living.

Romans chapter 14 does not give exception to holiday and particular calendar dates. The chapter encourages us to eat what we want in celebration of an event (e.g. turkey for Thanksgiving) and to pick the day we wish to honor any holiday. But while we live (every day), we live it to honor Christ. His death enabled us to be free from death. So should we honor him by dressing up as a fictional murderer (via Hockey mask), a devil or a witch? This Halloween, let’s purposely dress to impress our living God, not to impress those who wish to embody death, misery and sorcery.

Familiarity Lovers Anonymous

2010-10-11T21:35:00.010-06:00

At the end of September, my husband completed the requirements for receiving his Master's degree -- yay! While waiting for the magical diploma to arrive in the mail he's also started looking for full-time work. He and I have discussed several times about preferred states to reside. We're currently in Arizona (in the same town as his parents), my family is in Minnesota and Wisconsin, his remaining family is in Georgia. So wouldn't it make sense to prefer living somewhere close to family and familiarity?

Last weekend I mentioned our situation to an acquaintance whose response shocked me: "Why are you limiting yourself to these places? In this economy you should go where the jobs are!"
Her answer reveals her past. Immediately after marrying a military man she and her husband moved from state to state, country to country. The couple had no knowledge of where they were to live next or for how long. She inquired, "Have you ever lived away from home?" My response was, "I have lived in unfamiliar places, places I didn't care for, but never outside of four hours from family." Abruptly, she replied, "That's pathetic".

Excuse me? Now, I have been known to argue for extensive amounts of time to prove a point and this conversation was no different, albeit the time allotted for me to debate. As politely as I could possibly muster, I explained that there is nothing wrong with preferring a certain location as long as preference doesn’t equal stubborn resolve.

Moving to urban Arizona from rural Minnesota last summer was one of the most thrilling but difficult decisions of my life. It is no surprise to anyone who knows me personally that my reaction to this momentous transition has mirrored a bad rollercoaster ride. I'm heading up, looking forward to the ride ahead. I reach the pinnacle, see the heights and opportunities all around, but almost as immediately as the thrill arrives I have the horrifying realization that this trip will be like nothing I ever expected. I feel like throwing up. My heart races as gravity yanks me down to earth and in that one-second drop it occurs to me that maybe a terrible mistake has been made. Why did I decide to try this? Who convinced me to get on this cursed contraption?

Ironically, while my body is lifted back up to the heavens, my stomach sinks. I faced crooked twists and turns; even a loop-de-loop. My knuckles lock up into a pale white death-grip around the flimsy "safety bar" and harness. However, at the end of the ride the passengers around me all seem fine. They joyfully laugh and squeal with delight at the adrenaline rush. Meanwhile, I long to feel solid, stationary earth beneath my feet.

And just as I exit the ride, my husband asks if I’d like to try a new coaster called “The Master’s Degree Move”. What’s specifically terrifying about this ride is that no one can see the final destination. Sure, everyone knows that passengers exit safely; a Bermuda Triangle this is not. But before we leave the amusement park and head back home we must try the ride. There is no way around it. He assures me that no previous coaster passenger has ever died on it and that it only lasts two minutes, max.

We get in line. Others waiting represent park customers who have tried and loved the “move”. Not surprisingly, a peppering of others have never attempted the ride and have never cared to. I glance at hubby who is not paying mind to the petrified. He, expecting the adventure of his life so far, cannot wait to sit in the uncomfortable, fragile plastic seating and soar over a warped steel track with nothing but a Heimlich maneuver bar protecting him from potential danger.

We reach the front of the line. The person immediately behind me notices my apprehension and asks if I’ve ever been on this ride before.

“No, though I’ve been on others many times", I say, "I've never really enjoyed it. I’m trying this one so my husband doesn’t go on it alone.”

Her response? “That’s pathetic.”

R.I.P. Grandpa

2009-03-28T22:26:00.000-06:00

Early this morning, my grandpa died.

This hurts. However, the circumstances behind the hurt are unusual. When I was too young to remember, my parents decided to divorce after several years of marriage. Do I believe that they should have divorced? Heck yes. While I don't condone divorce and wish the term never existed (along with marriages that begin for poor reasons), there are times when it should absolutely be allowed. But it still doesn't mask the pain of losing an immediate family member. After all, if my grandpa had never existed, neither would have my father and, in turn, my sister and I.

Divorce carries with it many myths, one of them being the following:

Myth #1 - Divorce only affects the former husband and wife.

ABSOLUTELY WRONG, especially if children are involved. And it is in that case which I have struggled for a long time. I do sincerely believe that my parent's divorce was a necessity. However, their following actions were not. I wouldn't have cared that they hated each other so much if it weren't for the fact that their despisement of each other resulted in two children never getting to know their biological father. This was not the fault of one parent, but of both.

On tuesday, I will have attended three funerals on my dad's side of the family. For the preceeding two, my mourning for the loss of my family members was overwhelmed by not a mourning of death, but the mourning of a life that I had never really known and never will. Sure, my dad's family (who I only reconnected with after his own funeral) can tell me stories about how my grandparents and my dad were, how they loved me and how they wish they could have seen me grow up and then attend my upcoming wedding. But stories and "what if's" are a poor and incomparable substitute for a genuine relationship.

This coming July I will make a vow to share the remainder of my life with and marry the man of my dreams. And when the words, "for better or worse" are spoken, they will be MEANT and (with God's help alone) acted upon. For my sake, my fiance's sake and for our future children's sake.

This funeral on Tuesday will be the absolute last time I mourn out of guilt for a life never known, and not for a person's precious life.

The Definition of Terrorism

2009-03-03T20:29:00.008-06:00

Chris Matthews recently interviewed someone for their opinion on the new nominee for Secretary of Health and Human Services. He asked if this particular nominee could withstand the "terrorism of the anti-abortion activitists". He later then restated his thought by saying, "verbal terrorism". If you click on the title of this post you can video of his Freudian slip.

During Dubya's Administration it was at one point determined that "Weapons of Mass Destruction" was the most overused phrase of the year. The incident proved that when people overuse words it strips away its meaning and effectiveness. Fast-forward and now Democrats have claimed the word "terrorism" as their own and have completedly voided its meaning by using it to describe anyone who disagrees with a liberal viewpoint.

When 9/11 happened we rarely heard the word "terrorism". I never especially thought that it would become applicable to our country. Televised color-coded security ratings? Forget about it. In the aftermath of 9/11 news anchors were talking about the probability of success with hiding explosives in candy. Yes, we (and when I say, "we", I mean primetime news "reporters") did go overboard with speculation and everyone took the word "terrorism" too seriously. U.S. citizens believed that their lives were in constant risk of being taken by the terrorist who supposedly lives down the street or in the same apartment complex you do.

But 9/11 happened eight years ago. Now the word "terrorism" is a Democratic synonym for "intolerance". If you believe that marriage should be only between one man and one woman, that unborn babies should have a chance for life outside of the womb and that conservative values do not translate into being "old-fashioned" but rather as totally relevant to today's culture, then you are deemed a "terrorist".

Never mind the actual terrorists who we are currently fighting and seeking to destroy us. Never mind the persons behind the four airplanes that were taken hostage and crashed into two national landmarks and a field in Pennsylvania. Never mind those who cheered and danced in the streets when over 4,000 people died in the 9/11 attacks. And never mind the people who routinely videotape themselves threatening the United States, desiring a complete massacre of the entire Western civilization. Those people don't matter. To the Democrats, the people who actually desire a chance to save unborn lives are actual terrorists.

The likes of Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, Katie Couric, Barbara Walters and all other liberal "journalists" need a new dictionary and thesaurus.

Democracy at it's Worst

2009-01-24T16:07:00.005-06:00

I did not vote for Obama. In fact, when I heard that Obama was a possible contender for the Presidential office, I rolled my eyes and knew that I was NEVER going to vote for him. When celebrities and the general news media compared him to Superman and said that on the day of his inauguration that his approval rating was at 68%, my eyes rolled again.

Now my saying that I did not vote for him does not mean that I don't mean him well. God Bless the guy and his family and the future decsions he will make for this country. I cried at the inauguration, in fact. How could anyone watch it and not? It was absolutely historic in more ways than one. When the people sitting behind me were saying things like, "I wish someone could shoot him right now" and "Now more babies will die", I shot them a look that could have killed. And rationally, how can you criticize a President for decisions he has not made yet?

Well, Obama is now our President. And he has been in office for not even one week and I am already furious at the decisions he has made. Yesterday, he reversed a policy set into law by President Bush. Big deal,right? A liberal might say, "You disagree because you believe in the conservative movement and nothing else!". Well guess what? Anyone who believes in the right to life, life at conception and that the United States should be sovreign should be furious at what Obama did on Friday.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/01/23/obama.abortion/index.html?section=cnn_latest

Obama has basically signed away taxpayer dollars to fund international causes that have NOTHING to do with the United States. Are you mad now? Guess what the "international cause" was? Abortion! Obama says that American taxpayers will now be funding abortions made in other countries! How can anyone look at this and agree with it? I want to hear a liberal's reasoning on this right now! UGH!

A quote by Obama:

"It is time we end the politicization of this issue," Obama said. "In the coming weeks, my administration will initiate a fresh conversation on family planning, working to find areas of common ground to best meet the needs of women and families at home and around the world."

What kind of "Conversation" did you initiate, Obama, and how did you strike common ground with ANYONE, especially inside the United States? In the last week I have cried twice because of Obama. The first time it was at his inauguration. The second because of this last policy reversal.

Don't believe it when people say that your vote doesn't make a difference. Because of other voter's choices, the money I have earned and will earn in the next 4 years (at least) will now enable some woman in another country to kill her unborn child.

Is this an example of democracy at it's best?

Things I Love

2009-01-24T15:57:00.003-06:00

1. Being greeted by a very happy and hyper dog when I get home from work
2. Someone saying "Job well done"
3. Peace and quiet
4. True Friends
5. Being humbled by everything God has done, and His reasons for it!
6. Holding conversations with people over 100 years old
7. My fiance'
8. My family
9. Having the winter off from mowing the lawn
10. A car that starts and runs well
11. Good health
12. Seeing someone smile because of something I did
13. People who are genuine in their caring for others
14. Mourning - it means that I have cared for someone
15. Realizing that someone who has passed is in a better place for all eternity
16. Sitting in a warm bed and reading a good book
17. Seeing an "A" on a report card!
18. Learning something new and incredible
19. Cinnamon-flavored gummy bears!
20. Making lists that make me happy. :)

Grow Up

2008-11-16T17:07:00.000-06:00

You know what? You aren’t funny. You may think that your snide comments just roll off my back but they don’t. I expected you to be happy for me, but it’s obviously clear that you aren’t whatsoever. You are making this situation about YOU and frankly, it’s beyond irritating and insulting.

I have found someone who completes me, loves me for who I am and wants to spend the rest of my life with me and I want to do the same for him. You may want the best for me (and that is wonderful) but your way of showing it through sarcasm has to stop. Go ahead and call me sensitive…this is a sensitive subject which I believe deserves your full support. It’s just common sense.

You have raised me to become someone who is capable of making their own decisions but yet your lack of trust in my doing so is an insult. Am I only supposed to make decisions which work to YOUR benefit? If that were the case, then I wouldn’t be ME.

Yes, I realize that my decision to marry a wonderful, caring, sweet, intelligent and supportive man was abrupt, but it was not without “warning” or premonition. You have raised your concerns…none of which are valid. You have no concept or getting to know someone who is vastly different from you without judging him and assigning him a stereotype that is completely inaccurate. But that is no concern to you. You prefer stereotypes over personal knowledge.

You say you want to learn more about him. By all means, then do that! You do not need my permission! You talk to him as though everything is perfect and then when it’s just the two of us you feel the need to express your “opinion”, which is nothing more than some rude comment you must have thought of during the previous night. I hope that your saying that made you feel proud.

Let me make my own decisions without constantly being fed guilt and doubts about this upcoming marriage’s success. This marriage is going to carry with it many changes for the both of us and the remainder of the family. I’m well aware of that and it certainly hasn’t made my decision any easier. It just means that change is coming. You have to prepare and adjust for that, just as I will.

If you have concerns, voice them without inserting vague forecasts which you couldn’t possible predict. You are not a fortune-teller, you are a parent. And as such, you have to think before you speak. This is not comedy central, this is real life.

And at the risk of sounding like a parent, I have one piece of advice for you – GROW UP!

No Clue What To Do

2008-06-07T19:31:00.002-06:00

I have no clue what to do with the next couple years and it's driving me absolutely nuts.
Do I stay at my current place of employment as long as possible?
Do I switch schools in order to get a bachelor's degree sooner but pay more in order to do so? Should I attend that school online or in the evenings or weekends? Do I want to put in all those miles or move to that town (an hour away) to do so? Or do I just wait once I get my associate's degree and save up more $ to pay off my current loans and then get back into school?
WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!
I so enjoyed being a kid and not having to worry about these things.

The Motherload

2008-06-03T21:51:00.002-06:00

I have found the motherload of all genealogy websites regarding my family and am now going to work on the biggest project of my life - organizing it all! EEK! I've found family photographs, obituaries, wedding announcements and even a full family tree on my dad's side! WONDERFUL! It's scrapbooking time!

Precious Life

2008-05-31T20:39:00.000-06:00

I work in a nursing home. And lately I have become more aware of how precious life is in general. Since I have started working in my current profession, it is almost impossible to not connect with residents and almost equally impossible to not feel loss when the resident(s) pass away. It is a rewarding job, yet challenging when these losses occur.

An example in point:

I befriended a resident named “Lucy” almost immediately when I began my work in the activities department. When she was alert, she was a sheer joy to be around. She had THE BEST sense of humor. She would sing when asked to, make jokes and laugh constantly. When she smiled, you just couldn’t help but smile back. One of her favorite things to hold and play with was a rubber chicken. She would hold and squeeze it and make chicken sounds when the nurses passed by.

Several months ago, I was informed that Lucy would be admitted to the hospice program. It was estimated that she had only less than six months left of her precious life to live. At first, I couldn’t understand why she was admitted, she seemed no different than before. It wasn’t long after that thought that I saw Lucy cry more often, even at the simplest question. It took much encouragement to make the tears stop and she needed more physical contact than ever before. I would hold her hand and tell her that everything was fine, when both she and I knew that it wasn’t.

Two weeks ago I saw the most immediate decline in physical ability that I have ever seen. She would not eat and rarely opened her eyes. She found no joy in the activities that previously brightened her day. It was two days before she passed that I went into her room to visit her. She could no longer even make a coherent sentence; she just babbled and stared at me, falling in and out of sleep. I could not even talk for fear of crying. For a half hour, I just rubbed her shoulder and stroked her hair, hoping that her pain would end soon. She stared at me with one eye the entire time.

Two days later while I was on my lunch break, Lucy passed. I walked by her room just as a nurse had gone in to check on her. She immediately came out and asked for another nurse to help with cleaning Lucy up and getting her ready for the mortician to arrive. I asked if I could take some time to say “Goodbye” to Lucy and the nurses graciously allowed me to do so.
I kept thinking, “I was just sitting here enjoying my lunch and a great book and someone just left this earth to be with the creator!”. How does this work? How am I unable to feel something when a person leaves this earth when they are in a room less than 500 feet away from me?

But I am certain of a few things.
1. Life is precious beyond belief and beyond my understanding.
2. You must show love to your friends and family before it is too late.
3. Be thankful for your life in the past and especially the life you have NOW.

I hope that you all learn this before it is too late.

God bless everyone and EVERY LIFE on this planet!

All The Proof You Need

2008-05-31T19:53:00.003-06:00

Look at these pictures and tell me that there isn't an intelligent designer!

You Are Not Cool

2008-04-07T20:22:00.003-06:00

Ok, car....

What's wrong? Something got you down? Have I not been paying much attention to you lately? Yeah, I know that I've been more lenient to drive you since gas prices have soared, but I really can't help it. But yesterday you did something that was NOT COOL. Not cool at all.

I've given you loads of patience, tons of maintenance and lots of TLC. As I figure it, you owe me. I've paid for you, pampered you, HECK I even bought some lovely air freshener and new floor mats on the day you came home with me. I've waxed you, given you wonderful car washes, installed a new air conditioner and radiator. When you have a boo-boo I take you to another town 10 miles away so you can get the best possible service.

I've even named you. And I think that Ethel is a lovely name for you. It fits your purplish-grey personality so well!

And then yesterday you flash that horrible light that I so despise seeing.

"Service Engine Soon". You don't even go into specifics. It would be so much more helpful if you could share a little more detail than that. I would hate to run through every possible scenario of hypothetically driving down I-94 and having the carbeurator pop through the hood of my car when instead you could just tell me that it just needs a little tweek. You are freaking me out!

Ethel, I am disappointed. We've been through so much together. I would hate to give you over to a cranky old dumpster owner and have you crushed into a 2-foot by 2-foot cube.

AND DON'T THINK I WON'T DO IT!

I thought you loved me, Ethel. You shall now face my wrath.

But please, could you turn off the engine light?

Human Tornado Siren

2008-03-30T17:24:00.004-06:00

Stop laughing.

I don't want to come across as a party-pooper. Really, I don't. But your laugh is incredibly annoying. I wouldn't even call it a laugh, but a yell with vibrato. How in the world do you do that? You must have a diaphragm the size of a car tire in order for you to project the kind of sounds you do from your throat.

Yeah, what you saw on tv was pretty darn funny. But I'm sitting right next to you and blood is coming from my ears. And are you trying to hold it out as long as you possibly can? Do you have music in your head and you are just laughing for a full measure straight? Keep it to a 32nd note, please. In a very fast tempo. This is irritating.

Another thing: If you are going to do your trademark laugh, normally people will give a little warning sound. And I emphasize the word "little". Perhaps it could be a slight giggle or some quicker shallow breathing. But for you to hyperventilate for what seems an eternity and then unexpectedly (and terrifyingly) blast sound out of your mouth as though you were imitating a Gilbert Gottfried impersonation of a tornado siren....that's not cool. It scares me.

Just please, stop.

Is This What It's Like?

2008-03-30T17:06:00.002-06:00

When I was a kid, I did not like boys….AT ALL. Boys were gross. Boys had cooties. If you kissed a boy, you got warts. I imagine that most girls believed this. I would rather have been a tomboy and play with the boys in the dirt and mud and worms than kiss one! However, this did not stifle my 2nd grade “marriage” to a boy named Chris Schalz. It happened on the baseball field. All my friends were there and threw mulberry leaves filled with sand in celebration. But Mr. Schalz was a player. The very next day I saw him smooching with the local 1st grade tramp named Nicole. Everyone knew she was an easy catch. Our marriage went down in flames. I became an 8-year old Elizabeth Taylor and spent the next 2 years traversing the playgrounds, finding solace only in a plutonic friendship with a boy nicknamed “Pickle Juice” and the seagulls who would gather in the grassy field right in front of where I swapped my innocent vows with Mr. Loose Lips.

My aversion to all things “boys” went well into my teen years and some of my college years, too.

“No, I do not want to dance with you.”

“No, I am not going to the prom.”

“I am never going to be married.”

“I am woman, hear me roar!”

“Yes, I am engaged…his name is Simon. No, you don’t know him.” (I had worn a ring on my all-important finger in order to convince someone who was interested in me that I was not available, when in fact, I was).

I had so convinced my family that I was never going to marry a man that they naturally assumed that I was a lesbian. One day, out of the blue, my mom came into my room and said, “You know, Ellie, if you are a lesbian, it doesn’t matter to me. I will love you all the same.” I responded by dropping my jaw to the floor in surprise and yelling, “I’M NOT A LESBIAN! YES, I’M SURE!”. Of course, I wasn’t a lesbian, but technically I was not interested in men either. I was attracted not to any gender, but to the idea that I would grow up without a partner and would be thrilled about it! Don’t let anyone convince you that cynicism does not have incredible power over your dreams and goals!

However, over the past few years I have had an urge to find that special someone to spend the rest of my life with. I talked about it with friends (which felt very strange, almost alien), went on dating websites, and even went on an impromptu date with someone I met in a grocery store (On a side note, I wouldn’t recommend that. But that’s another story altogether.). After a recent move, I let up on the searching for a date bit but then decided this past January to give it another go. On the very first day, someone contacted me to express his interest in me. I thought, “What in the world? Have you even seen my picture? Why would you want me?” See, that’s how powerful cynicism is. It can come back to haunt you and corrupt you even after you swear to never think in those negative ways ever again.

But this online guy and I started to e-mail each other. Every night. Then our e-mails turned into MSN chats. For hours. Then our paths crossed in person! And I tell you this as someone who has converted from the religion of cynicism and self-loathing to believing fully in the following anonymous quote:

"Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker"

I’ve come to the following conclusion. My boy is great! My boy does not have cooties (and if he did, it wouldn’t matter ONE BIT)! When I kissed this boy I received no warts, only a kiss back. And I would trade in all my years of being a tomboy and playing in the dirt and mud and worms for one more day with him. And I should clarify that I’m not actually kissing a boy, but a man of my own age (25). Haha. Please do not send the feds after me, this relationship is fully legal!
Is this what love is like? Please tell me, because I have not experienced anything quite like this before. Instead of reciting the quotes I listed out earlier, I can’t wait to say the following to him and only him:

“Yes, I will dance with you.”

“Yes, I would love to go to your company Christmas party with you.”

“Yes, I will marry you.”

“I am your woman! (No roaring involved)”

I can only hope that this feeling lasts forever with this boy.

"Nunc scio quit sit amor." Latin, "Now I know what love is." by Virgil (Classical Roman Poet)

And I Was "Like" - No You Weren't!

2008-02-17T19:35:00.000-06:00

Several years ago, the actor Edward Norton appeared on the interview show “Inside the Actors Studio” where he was asked by host James Lipton about his least favorite word. Mr. Norton replied, “Like”, to which Mr. Lipton soupy rolled his eyes back in his head and replied “Oh yes, me, too!”. I have now joined the likes (pun intended) of Mr. Norton and Mr. Lipton in declaring that my least favorite word is “Like”.

Not “like” as in “I like ice cream”, but in the sense where people use the word in describing an action or feeling. For instance, today I was standing in line inside a gas station and the woman in front of me was talking on the phone in super-speed motion. Her conversation went a little somethin’ like this (huh!):

“So I called my friends and I was like are you going to pick up and they did and they were like “hello” and I was like “Uh..hi, where have you been” because for the past, like, week or so I was like freaking out because I couldn’t get a hold of them and I was like “Did they get hurt” or like “Are they ignoring me?” and so I like talked to them and they were like “We’re, like, Ok” and I was like relieved and said “Like, what have you guys been doing, like?”

I listened to this and was like, “MAKE IT STOP!”. Since when has cheerleader talk been acceptable? When I was a kid I would say the following cheer with my friends to crack each other up –

“Like totally, for sure
I just got a manicure
The sun, up there,
Is bleaching out my golden hair!
24, 34, I don’t know the stupid score!
Like, gag me with a spoon!”

And we all thought it was funny because it was too ridiculous to think that someone would actually speak like that. Lo and behold, fiction has now become fact!

Another statement I hate: “That was the bomb!”

Yet my 48 year old mother says it with such enthusiasm that you would think she had gone back in time to become Paris Hilton’s twin. When I think of that statement, I wonder how it came about. No one would ever look back in history to reflect on Hiroshima as being TOTALLY cool! So when someone talks about a really tasty avocado dip, why does “That is the BOMB!” apply? I don’t get it. Is the avocado dip packed with so much yummy goodness that the flavors interact with each other and then explode in your mouth and blow all your teeth out? If that’s the case, then I really don’t want to try it.

What about “You Go, Girl!”. Where do you want me to go? Are you saying I should leave? Is that a compliment or do you want me to get away? Why are you pumping your fist in the air when you say it?

“Talk to the hand, cuz the face ain’t listening!”. No, I would rather not talk to your hand. See that lump three feet above your butt is the only extremity that has the holes on each side called “Ears” and those holes enable you to comprehend the words that are coming out of the bigger hole in my lump, my “mouth”. Say it with me now, “Hands do not have listening abilities”. And the word “ain’t” isn’t a word. I don’t care if it is in the dictionary!

I wonder what the suicide rate for high school English teachers, like, is.

Yeah, It's Been A While...

2008-02-17T19:08:00.002-06:00

So sue me! You won't get anything out of it! Could I be any more busy? I think not. In the midst of going to work full-time, attending 7 credits of college, working on getting my certificate in Biblical Counseling and leading a small group at church...I have this blog (among others!) which should have been updated at least once a month...but that has not been the case! So bring it on!

Today He Gave Me is Back!

2007-12-22T19:12:00.000-06:00

http://www.todayhegaveme.blogspot.com

Please participate! I look forward to everyone's responses!

God Bless

I Want It That Way

2007-11-11T20:41:00.000-06:00

I have been hiding a deep secret for the last week or so. Now it’s about time that I spill the beans. I bought the newest Backstreet Boys album. AND I LOVE IT!

Wait. Not only did I buy the album, but I bought it twice. And made a copy for the CD player at work. So, technically, I have three copies of this album, spread out on 4 places: my Ipod, the burned CD for work, my computer, and the actual CD copy. Why did I buy it twice? To support the boys, of course!

I have been watching videos of the Backstreet Boys on youtube. And I found a new treasure – the video for “I Just Want You To Know”. Every time I watch it, I can’t help but crack up. You’d better watch it, too.

I remember the days of talking with my friend Jill about how we loved these guys, which one was our “favorite” and how we had decorated our bedroom walls with posters and magazine cut-outs to the point where no original wall was to be seen anywhere. Placement was important – you wanted to wake up in the morning to see your favorite staring right back at you (and if you must know, it was Kevin *sigh*).

Jill and another friend and I woke up one Sunday morning at 2am to get a ride to the twin cities in order to be able to stand in line at 6am to get tickets for one of their concerts at a large outdoor event that started at noon. The boys weren’t scheduled to perform until 9pm that night. It just so happened that that day in September would be freakishly hot outside. I ended up passing out from heat exhaustion, getting sunburnt through my clothes and not eating anything for 16 hours straight. In the end, the boys cancelled their performance at the last minute – three of the boys had lost family members that DAY. Jill and I were heartbroken and we got back home around 12am. The little girl inside me cried.

I remember driving with my friend Jill to the closest Wal-Mart from our Minnesota small town (a ½-hour away) immediately after school (we had been talking about it all day) to get the newest BSB album, “Millenium” and the RollingStone magazine with their picture on the cover. I swear to the living God that I listened to that album every single day for a year straight.

The following fall, my aunt got me tickets (front row balcony, yeah!) to their concert at the target center in Minneapolis. Jill and that same friend and I woke up early to make a sign to hang from the balcony that said “BSB RULES!” We drove to Minneapolis, decked out in our BSB t-shirts and met up with my sister who also came to the show. I have pictures of the concert to this day. Needless to say, it was freaking awesome. And I say that with a straight face, people. We went back to school two days later and bragged to classmates about the show.

After graduating high school, my friend Jill and I actually played the trivia board game and I knew the answer to every. Single. Question. I knew their birthdates, names of their brothers and sisters, favorite colors, hometown, how they met…the list goes on and on.

During college my affection waned a bit. I still bought their albums, but it was the kind of purchase that you put at the bottom of the target basket, underneath the underwear, bra and pamprin purchases. And I was heartbroken (again!) when I heard that Kevin, my fave, had quit the band to pursue “other interests”. *sniff, sniff*

But then last February, a friend through church told me of this Christian concert that was coming to town, a bunch of artists who included a member of Third Day, Shane & Shane and wouldn’t you know it, Brian Littrell (a Backstreet Boy!) who had just put out his own Christian album. I went to the show and in the back of my mind (behind my worship for God, of course!) I could not believe that a Backstreet Boy was less than 50 feet away. I bought his Christian album and very much enjoyed it.

Then the boys have to go and tease me with this new purchase. And I’m not just saying this out of bias, but, the album is terrific! It’s their best one since “Millenium”. If my schedule permits, will I go to their concert if they come to MN? You bet! Will I buy their next album? In a heart beat. BSB will probably go into the list of artists for who I will always buy their music, along with Michael W. Smith, Train, Aerosmith, and Chris Tomlin.

So don’t tease me or feel sorry for me. I’m a big girl and can make my own choices. Y’all are just jealous! You wish you had their talent! I HATE YOU!

Ok, calm down there, teenage Ellie. It’s Ok. Life doesn’t have to be this way anymore.

I have nothing more to add.

Except that N*Sync sucks.

New Address

2007-11-11T19:58:00.000-06:00

Yes, I changed the address of my blog. Why, must you ask? Well, I didn't want my last name to be so visible. You know how privacy is such a big issue on the internet these days. Why the ridiculous name? Well, that was my nickname in high school, duh! And just so you know, my new-found desire for privacy has nothing to do with the next post I am going to write.

SO THERE! Deal with it.

Did You Play Sports?

2007-10-04T18:34:00.000-06:00

One of the first questions I'm asked when someone meets me for the first time isn't about my job, where I live, or where I'm from. 90% of the time, the question revolves around my height.

Yes, I am a tall person. Five feet, eleven inches to be exact. When my height is stated, the next question is pretty much a given.

"Did you play sports in high school?"

I HATE that question so much. When I was walking through Wal-Mart at 16 years old, this old woman walked up to me, cane and all, and in her high-pitched wavery voice she said "Oh my, are you tall! I bet you play basketball, don't you?"

While sitting on a bus in the twin cities, some random guy came up to me and said, "Did you ever play volleyball for the Minnesota Gophers?".

Note to everyone - Not all tall people play sports or have played sports!!! I wouldn't go up to a short person and say, "Oh my! You are practically a midget! When you were a kid, were you able to fit in a bread box? When you were a baby, did your parents use a shoebox for your crib and poke holes in the top so you could get air to breathe?"

I'm so sick of being asked this question. I have to say "No, I didn't play sports". Which always provokes either a look of disgust or disappointment in the person who asked that dumb question in the first place. Sorry to let you down, people. Not everyone fits into a perfect little stereotype. Not all tall people love sports, not all short people use a phonebook to be able to reach the floor, not all italians love pizza, and not all greeks are big and fat.

I want to crawl into a breadbox now.

Homework Break!

2007-09-11T19:02:00.000-06:00

I'm using this break from my homework to inform you all of a very strange series of dreams that I had two nights ago. I'm wondering if I'm slowly going insane and would appreciate any kind of interpretation you can provide.

Dream 1. I'm some kind of assistant to a play that Kevin Spacey is acting in. That's all I can really tell you about that dream.

Dream 2. I'm living on a large farm in southwestern minnesota with a good friend of mine. However, the farm in the dream doesn't resemble at all what the actual farm looks like. A group of strangers walk up the gravel driveway and say they are lost and their car has died. My friend and I find the car and recharge the battery. Then I burn the strangers a bunch of mixed cd's of music that I like. I hand them the cd's as they are about to depart. One of them is so happy that he begins to cry. He says "You guys are so nice, thanks a bunch!". The group of strangers leave and I decide to jump in my car and race them. However, they get too far ahead of me and I end up getting lost. I even have a map but cannot find my hometown and end up travelling to tiny towns and lakes I've never heard of.

Dream 3. Back at the farm again. However this time I'm a lion (you read that correctly) and am eating deer. The deer are deep-fried and smell like fried chicken. I've eaten hundreds of these deer and their carcasses are spread out every several feet over the farmland. I stop eating and decide to run and race a rabbit and tortoise. They get too far ahead of me and I decide to stop.

No more pizza before bedtime!

New Job, New Life

2007-09-02T11:06:00.000-06:00

I got a new job on thursday.

Not just any job, but a freakin' AWESOME job. The kind of job that you accept and just can't wait to start. The kind of job that is the beginning of a lifetime career choice.
I've had previous jobs that I've accepted where I've known that the job would not exactly be "fun". Now, not every job is "fun". But I want to have fun with my job! I want to enjoy my job. I want to wake up every morning and be excited to start work.

This is the kind of job where that WILL happen. I know it. The kind of job which required me to buy a new wardrobe yesterday and spend hundreds of dollars and I didn't mind one bit.

I don't ever want to be in the situation where I accept a job that is more of a disappointment than anything else. No more phone calls from temp agencies that offer work like "box packing, receptionist, or data entry".

This is so incredibly exciting I can hardly stand it. You are reading the words of the newly hired nursing home activities assistant!

New Ministry

2007-07-19T19:24:00.001-06:00

For the past couple of weeks, an idea for a new ministry in my hometown was brought to my mind. I say "brought" because it actually was given to me. God "Brought It". I "Got Served" by God. God is "All that and a bag of chips (or is it slice of manna?)". Ok, I'll stop now. I truly believe that with enough support from others in my hometown that this idea would be a tremendous success. Persons who I believe could be instrumental in assisting me with this ministry idea have been e-mailed. Weeks ago. Still no answer.

Now I believe that this concept being brought to small town has some risks. Residents of Madison hardly like to try a new brand of coffee, let alone participate in something new. And ESPECIALLY not something that's blatantly spiritual. But this is sickening. I have the feeling that I'm going to have to turn into the annoying lady on the phone who calls 5 times a day just to see if anyone "Got my message". Either that or submit my idea in person.

I had a vision last night that I was presenting this ministry idea to my church. Half of the congregants were for it. Unfortunately that was the half who were silent. Those completely opposed to the idea had every thought brought out into the open, every fear imagined, every risk created, every excuse aired for why this MAY not be successful. I pleaded my case and came off as sounding very "holier than thou" (Which in a church is not appropriate. There is only ONE and He is "holier than all".) and condescending. I truly do not want that to happen. I want people to embrace this ministry idea. I want this to start - SOON! I want all churches in my hometown to come together and not label this idea as a "Lutheran", "Catholic" or "Baptist" idea. And I certainly don't want my own demonination to come into play as well.

Last night I read a chapter of the great book by John Ortberg, "If You Want to Walk On Water, You Have to Get Out of the Boat" (thanks, Sue). If you can read the first chapter alone and not be inspired in some way, then I don't know what to even say to you. It gave me great confidence and wonderful ideas to consider while I'm in the midst of trying to create something new for a community who (I believe) desperately needs it.

Really, I don't want to turn into Christian Van Daame and come off as forceful in this situation. But what do I have to do to get a response back from someone?

Dude

2007-07-16T21:29:00.000-06:00

I don't know why, so please don't ask me. I love this guy -

Again, I don't really know why. He's a liberal. In fact, one of his best friends is Bill Clinton. He smokes unapologetically and tells people to stop 'nagging' him to quit. He is 23 years my senior. I normally don't care for the subject material in his movies.

BUT...In every single one of his films, he is just fascinating to watch! And if you've ever seen him on Saturday Night Live or ppearances on talk shows and other television interviews..he is so frickin' funny and charming. AND...he can sing. VERY well. In fact, I have two songs of him singing Bobby Darin on my Ipod. I could watch his impressions of other famous actors for hours. In fact, here's a direct link to it. YOU'D BETTER WATCH IT.

So please don't ask me why I love him. To be incredibly corny: the heart wants what it wants. That's all there is to it.

Get. To. The. Point.

2007-07-16T21:04:00.000-06:00

I have an official complaint against people who talk too much. Just get to the point! I have a relative who will just not. stop. talking. I can sit in the car with her, ask one question, and she will answer that question, morph the conversation into something about her and then go on about everything from cloud shapes to bad drivers to basil growing in her mother's garden.

Is it so awful to just sit in a car, listen to the radio and just take in the scenery? Even if the scenery is just cows and grass, it doesn't make much difference to me. Just please be quiet.

Also, you don't have to repeat something three times in a row for me to understand the words that are coming from your mouth. Hand movements and banging on the table when you stress certain words is incredibly irritating, too. I get it! Can I just experience some drama when I'm only watching a movie?

If I could provide an example of this person's speech pattern:

Me: So how was your day today?

Anonymous person (speaking very quickly, bug-eyed, waving her arms in the air, and banging her hands on the table with every stressed word): OH. MY. GOD. It was so busy! You know how hot it was today? It was 99 degrees outside. 99 degrees! And I'm standing there...(pause)...working in the kitchen, air-conditioners blasting.. and it's ONE-HUNDRED AND THIRTY DEGREES INSIDE. I'm not kidding. ONE-HUNDRED AND THIRTY DEGREES. I'm working in the kitchen and sweat is LITERALLY dripping down from my forehead. My clothes are soaked in sweat because it's ONE-HUNDRED AND THIRTY DEGREES in the kitchen, and the air-conditioner is BLASTING! I tell you, I had heat stroke. I walked into the freezer just for an excuse to cool off. I said, "I'm going to clean out the freezer!" and I walked inside...(long pause)...and steam is LITERALLY coming off of my body because of how much I was sweating. I tell you, I LITERALLY had to have had heat stroke. I was sweating so much! One of the managers walked up to me today and told me he'd never seen so many sauces for food in all his life. How many kinds of sauce do they have? I've got ranch, I've got cajun ranch, I've got honey, I've got honey mustard, I've got Barbeque, I've got Honey Barbeque, THEY HAVE TWO KINDS OF BARBEQUE SAUCE! I've got EVERY. KIND. OF SAUCE. YOU. CAN THINK. OF! I've never seen anything like it! Never! Never seen anything like it! Never! So then...(talks for another 10 minutes straight about something I can't remember anyways)"

After she finished rambling, she said "Well, I've gone on forever, how was your work?"

Me: Fine.

She is the only person who can turn me off of talking in an instant. Now imagine having to converse with and listen to the above pattern of speech regarding every subject imaginable for the last 25 years.

More Pics

2007-07-07T18:32:00.000-06:00

My Grandma's Garden

2007-06-26T13:26:00.000-06:00

My Interview With...

2007-06-21T19:51:00.000-06:00

I need some ideas. A while back, I posted "My Interview With a Celebrity". It was so much fun to write and people seemed to like it. I need more interview ideas! Use current events, specific celebrity names, general people groups, political candidates - anything! As a serious sarcastic-mime-rip off-journalist with no credentials or reason to be taken seriously, my inbox of ideas currently sits empty.

Current thoughts - My Interview With...

A Republican

A Democrat

A College Frat Boy

Another Celebrity (on the topic of?)

Any Halloween/Storybook character

A Drunk

A Morning Person (could never understand them)

Your thoughts? Here's the afformentioned post discussed above:

My Interview with a Hollywood Celebrity

My Financial Oath

2007-06-21T19:29:00.000-06:00

Here's the deal -

I have way too much debt and too many future dreams to let this current debt stop me. I HAVE to make a plan so that when I'm 80 and living alone with 10 cats that I'm not living off mac & cheese, ramen noodles or extra cat food. My plan (ambitious as it is) is to do the following:

1. Remove a large % of my checking and move it to the new savings account I created yesterday.

2. Set a maximum and minimum checking account balance. Anything over my predetermined balance will shift into savings.

3. Put at least 10% of my paycheck into savings IMMEDIATELY!

4. Current loan debts take precedence over eating out at fast-food joints. In fact, anytime I have the craving to visit Mr. McDonald, I will NOT! I will calculate what I would have hypothetically spent at that evil place and at the end of the month, put that hypothetical $ into savings. If I can spend money going out when I have more than enough food at home, it means I'm not spending responsibly!

5. Calculate how much extra $ I would need to send in order to remove a year off each of my current loan repayment plans. If feasible, then do it!

6. No more loans of any kind until I am completely debt free!

Last but not least (and this rule will make me cry) -

7. No more cd's, books, or gifts to myself unless I put them on a Birthday or Christmas gift list!

For those of you who know me personally - please hold me to this! I don't now or ever believe that cat food is a tasty alternative to human food of any kind.

I did it - finally.

2007-06-20T15:16:00.000-06:00

Today I finally opened a savings account for the purpose alone of going on a trip to Jerusalem. And heck, even if I didn't end up going, that saved money would surely be the start of something great or be a total lifesaver.

I'm not a toys-r-us kid anymore. I'm such a big girl now.

No, I don't. Yes, I'm sure.

2007-06-20T14:57:00.000-06:00

No, I do not want to be a nurse.

Yes, I do realize that my degree program at school allows me the opportunity to obtain a CNA license, and receiving that is the first step in becoming a registered nurse.

Yes, I do realize that any registered nurse would make more money than me initially after graduation and with that prospective money I could buy a nicer car than say, if I had less money. I believe that is how basic economy works.

Yes, I am sure I do not want to be a nurse. Stop asking me!

How am I sure? I hate blood, that's why. Snot, pee, crap, puke, phlegm and any other bodily fluid/matter I can deal with but blood, I cannot. Not long ago when in training for my new job, I was shown and then asked to prick my trainer's finger. I believe that the terminology used to bring blood to the fingertip (thus making it easier to draw blood once the finger is pricked) was called "Milk the blood". I felt woozy and wanted to cry but did it anyway. It was awful. My trainer was barely pricked and asked if I had actually done it. I ignored her and squeezed her fingertip to draw blood out and then tested it like I was shown. It is my biggest and most sincere desire to never have to do that again.

With that being said, let's assume hypothetically that I will actually do what you ask and become a nurse. When you are sick and ask me for help, I hope that you aren't bleeding. If so, one or more of the following scenarios will occur -

1. I will say - "EWWW! AAAAAH! I'm getting someone else, I don't feel so good."

2. I will say nothing and drop like a fly.

3. I will puke. Then cry. Then puke again. Then I will clean it up myself because that sort of thing doesn't bother me.

If you need your nose wiped, I will do it. Diaper change? Count me in. If you need me to get napkins for you to spit your phlegm in, I'll run for that immediately. Heck, I'll even empty your commode with no complaint.

But please do not ask me to prick your finger. And do not tell me I should become a nurse instead of a health/social work employee, because I AM SURE that is not what I want to do with my life.

Thank you.

Is this real?

2007-06-12T09:53:00.000-06:00

I do not know if the picture below is real or not (photoshop does wonders these days)..but either way I think it is a WONDERFUL image. I got the following picture and text in an e-mail.

God Parting the Heavens!

I took this picture on Hwy 30, traveling to London City, KY. It has given me strength in the times of trouble. I feel I should share it with the rest of the world. I hope it is an inspiration to you. It just goes to show what we already know ... We have a God and he's watching over us.

I e-mailed this picture to News Chanel 36. I was contacted by Meteorologist John James. He said that this picture of the sky is showing up, in all states, around the world. He wanted to know where I was from and where I took it. He saw a similar picture taken in Texas. He said this is amazing to him!

The Skittles Rabbit

2007-05-25T18:18:00.000-06:00

Ok, I just saw this commercial and could not stop laughing. Please watch (it's about 45 seconds long) and comment!

The Skittles Rabbit

(C)Rap Music

2007-05-23T09:41:00.000-06:00

I'm listening to Laura Ingraham who's interviewing Russell Simmons, one of the fathers of hip-hop who also created Def-Jam records. He's calling Akon, a rapper who uses the F, H, C, P, S-word (among others) an artist and a poet who needs to express himself. This same 'artist' sexually molested a 14-year old on stage at a concert, bruising her. After this, Akon was dropped by Verizon wireless as a tour sponsor.

Russell calls rap lyrics a reflection, but not a shaper of our culture. Give me a break! And even if that were entirely true (Is it truly a reflection of our U.S. culture?), how are these words appropriate for children, women, well, practically ANYONE?! I cannot fathom the cultural differences between white middle america and poor black america, but I can assuredly believe that these differences can be explained in song without profanity and degrating language to women! I, and Laura Ingraham is included in this, firmly believe that we have the power to change culture. Rap music has absolutely done this! You don't see teenagers (white boys included) who wear baggy pants, backwards baseball caps, and "bling" who walk around quoting Johnny Cash, do you?

Russell - "I'm not offended by words". Oh really, then you must have approved Imus' nappy-headed h* statement (he didn't)? Not that I approve at all of what Imus said, but you can't pinpoint a difference between Imus and Akon statements if you aren't offended by words in general.

Mr. Simmons believes that parents should be the educating force for my children. This is a very valid statement. So when I decide to have children, I will absolutely be educating them that rap is offensive, degrating, and musically unneccessary.

Things I Can't Believe

2007-05-18T09:39:00.000-06:00

...That Hillary Clinton will become the next President

...that people actually wonder if Barack Obama is Irish

...The Big Bang Theory

...That Friends of mine who have been in college for a year already will graduate before I do.

...The Eternality of the World

...Athiests

...That Madonna is talented

...Rosie O'Donnell doesn't believe in terrorism (she doesn't!)

...Barbara Walters is a good journalist

...Our lives have no purpose

...I got a 4.0 this semester

...anyone would read this post and be interested :-P

Dancing with the Ellie

2007-05-14T18:20:00.000-06:00

I would totally kick butt on "Dancing with the Stars". No, really.

Imagine this to the Song choice of Bon Jovi's "Livin on a Prayer" -

First I'd pull out the running man, followed by the tootsie roll. Then alternate with the sprinkler and then have a pretend fist fight with my partner. We'd be dressed like 19th century poor English children (my partner being Abe Vigoda, of course!), who would be continually looking like this -

I mean, who wouldn't want to see that?

Come On..

2007-05-14T17:57:00.000-06:00

I'm going to write a book, but I need at least 366 ideas! (One for each day of the year, plus leap year). You can find more info at -

Devotional Scratch Pad

This cool picture/video thingy...

2007-05-04T18:15:00.000-06:00

Since blogger has added some new features since the last time I posted, I'm going to take full advantage of that. I'll add a new picture or video to the side from now on and try to change it every week or so. It will be good fodder for conversation. First one - leprechaun in alabama...click the first video.

To All You Telemarketers Out There...

2007-05-04T17:58:00.000-06:00

Two days ago, I signed up for the "Do Not Call" list. That means you only have 29 days left to irritate me to the point of going insane. I don't know how you do it....you call every other hour, and only for me. It's like you know that my grandma, the owner of the house you call, has gone on a month-long trip. You NEVER call for her anymore! What's going on?!

And here's a tip....if you mispronounce my name then I'm going to assume you mean someone else and will always tell you that the person you unknowningly ask for (me) is not at home. My last name is not pronounced "Le Whore", as you believe. Yes, it's unfair that it is not a common last name, (which means that the pronunciation is anyone's guess) but it's such a good method to for me to weed out people who DON'T KNOW ME!

You have 29 days and counting. Have fun while you can and if you call after those days are up, expect hell.

Some Lovely Pictures/Artwork

2007-04-20T10:49:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to share some lovely artwork and pictures, you can find the at the following links -

http://www.jabberwocky.com/photo/israel/jerusalem.html
http://www.terragalleria.com/middle-east/israel/jerusalem/jerusalem.html
http://www.infohub.com/pictures/images_jerusalem_535.html

Jerusalem at Night

Hebrew Crafts in Jerusalem

The following artwork can be found by doing a google search for "Christian art"

Archangel Michael

Not Happy

2007-03-04T21:22:00.000-06:00

I got ripped off............BIG TIME.

It's been suggested by a relative that I write a letter of complaint to the company (that shall remain nameless) who sold me the laptop which only had a trial version of Windows Vista (while telling me it was a full-version. Not true) and to the company who mistakenly told me I had to buy a "new users" version of Vista for my laptop, which I did. The only thing, I am not a 'new user' of Vista! And the price difference (that I just discovered today) between a 'new user's' version and the 'upgrade version' I should have bought is over $170! Is this how companies can ethically treat a new customer nowadays? They had all the necessary information to tell me that I didn't need to spend an extra $170, yet they did so anyway. They could tell that this was the first time I had bought my own computer and therefore wasn't familiar with new set-up practices, yet felt it was ok to completely rip me off! And as far as the store that sold me the laptop? They knew this information too! ATO:IUETSL:EKTJO:I@$()*&)(!()!

So I'm in the process of writing two very long and very detailed letters of complaint. Never ever thought that buying a new laptop would cause so many problems.

What to write, what to write....

2007-02-20T15:28:00.000-06:00

I want to write. I want to write something of significance, so I'm thinking about putting together a devotional of some sort. It would be based on my own life experiences, what I know about the Bible and what I'm continuing to learn as the days progress. It would absolutely be a long-running project, I wouldn't expect completion of it before three year's time. But if it weren't even published, it would be a great learning tool and an accomplishment I could be proud of. I don't want this to be a small devotional, it would at least be 3-4 pages for every day of the year. My demographic, persay, would not be for people who buy small devotionals to put on their toilets for their guests' quality reading time. This also wouldn't be some kind of systematic theology course. I would want it to fall somewhere in the educational/inspirational/relational/social genre, with a little humor thrown in the mix as well. My aim could lean towards assisting people who have had tough times lately, or continually. Or someone could turn to it to read a story they like. I DON'T KNOW!

The question is, of course, would anyone want or care to read it?

Ideas and assistance, please! I'm going to start a new blog (a scratch pad of sorts) where I (and you) can post topic ideas:

http://www.devotionalscratchpad.blogspot.com

I Want a New Oprah!

2007-01-03T22:45:00.000-06:00

Ok, it's almost 11pm and I'm at home sitting in my scrubs from work, (either prune juice or brown gravy has stained my pants) playing my Superman Returns DVD in the background (gotta love Kevin Spacey!) and all I can think about at the moment is how much Oprah sucks.

I realize that the timing for this post isn't the greatest. She just opened a school in Africa for underpriviledged girls, most of who are affected by the AIDS virus. That is fantastic, really! The facts that "suck" about Oprah are those which have happened in the U.S., especially what the American public has viewed on her TV show. My top 5 reasons for Oprah "sucking" are as follows -

1. She believes in everything, and therefore believes in nothing.
What a great example to set for the 8 million viewers who watch her show daily. Laud the benefits of Christianity (the music, especially. She has a favorite gospel choir, you know.), but don't forget the Dalai Lama's teachings, how to practice meditation, and get a few sentimental Muslim guests in the mix, too. How do you improve your "spirit" when you can't pick a way to do it?

2. She believes in a communal "spirit" shared by everyone.
Oprah and her friend Gail took a promotional tour of the U.S. and during the last episode which featured this trip, and after she had visited professional celebrity impersonators, an Ahmish community, had crashed weddings, etc (I didn't watch every episode), she had the following concluding statement - "We all have the same heart". Bullcrap. Oprah, you just crossed an entire nation of 300 million people, populated by immigrants from all over the world, with differeing religious backgrounds, financial status, age, skin color (the list goes on and on)....yet we're all the same? How about this statment - "We're all ruled by the same God, who gave us each our own individual soul"? No wait, that's too conservative...it would never go over on Oprah's watch.

3. She has a magazine devoted to her and what she loves.
Why should her personal interests/hobbies/favorite purchases matter to anyone? Talk about a severe case of narcissism. If I had created a magazine devoted to my loves (Monty Python/my new clarinet purchase/books on theology) it would tank in two days, tops. Yet this magazine, half of it being advertisements and the other half being a list of her favorite things (which you too can buy!) skyrockets every month! My knowledge of Oprah's favorite slippers at the moment does not improve my life in any way whatsoever.

4. She regularly lists the risks of being married and how it isn't for her.
With how long she's been in a relationship with this Stedman guy, marriage apparently doesn't apply to her. That would be one hell of a prenup, I guess. One reason marriage won't work? - The cheating factor. Believe me, Oprah, you have a much higher risk of being cheated on when there's no reason for commitment than when you have the legal protection against it that comes with being married. She's won't buy the cow when she can get the milk for free (which you can, too!). WOOHOO!

5. Her lack of charity except when it benefits her self-promotion or TV show ratings.
Yeah, that's a pretty bold statement. See above regarding the timing of this post and reason. Oprah recently made a statement regarding giving more of her $ away, saying (not completely verbatim here), "My being destitute will not help anything". Oprah, no one is asking you to become destitute! And by the way, what is being destitute in your opinion? Because to a lot of the American public, living in a 1-bedroom apartment and eating mac and cheese every once in a while would not consitute being labeled as "destitute". For someone who is worth over a billion dollars, would an extra $1 million to charity sting so much? Sure, you can give gift cards (for the purpose alone to give to charity) to your audience, promote it in advance, have every news website and tv news organization talk about it before your show's air date, and then bask in the ratings glory. Oprah, I beg you - give to a cause and then refuse to air it, talk about it, or print it in your magazine pages. PLEASE! Humility is a virtue and if it convinces you any further, humility is a strengthening of your 'spirit'!

Comments? Anything you'd like to add? Or do you completely disagree? I'm going back to watch the DVD. Go Superman!

The Intolerance of Elton John

2006-11-15T18:10:00.000-06:00

Elton John - I Love his music. At least I used to, anyway. Check out this beauty of an interview:

Elton John Interview

Let me disseminate this for you, in case the stupidity of these statements has left a dark haze over your eyes. If you are a secularist, feel free to stand up and applaud Mr. John's statements. Ok, sit down, now.

"I think religion has always tried to turn hatred toward gay people," ....."Religion promotes the hatred and spite against gays."

What do you consider a religion, Elton? Narcissism definitely counts as one. Celebrities have this notion that since they have the power of popularity, they can use media outlets to promote whatever kind of viewpoints they hold and then not expect a retort from anybody, and ESPECIALLY not a negative retort. You are not God, Elton, at least not to anyone but yourself. You have not set the standard for right and wrong. That was taken care of on the top of a mountain over 4,000 years ago (another post subject to come). I doubt that if directed to, Mr. John could point out a single verse in the Bible (assuming he refers to Christianity in this diatribe against religion) which would illuminate his beliefs above.

See, tolerance is a two-way street. Someone could easily point me out as a homophobe (I'm not, and don't even attempt to accuse me of that!) because of my belief that homosexuality is wrong on all counts. However, I would come back at that same person and accuse them of being "intolerant" of my set of standards. Believing that a person can do anything they want and not be deserving of judgement from another or the consequence of that person's actions is not tolerance, its ignorance. Ignorance of right and wrong, ignorance of God, and certainly ignorance of the truth. Yes, there is a truth for everything, truth is not a creation of Western religion and it does not vary for every person. Judgement is shown to the person who walks into a job interview with an application that states a past criminal record and to the person who decides to wear a brown belt with black shoes (both are a big no-no). Judgement is given to the parent who can't calm their screaming 2-year old in the aisle of a Target store and to the person who talks on a cell phone in a crowded elevator. What do you do with that judgement though? Do you ignore it when convenient, or do you search for the reasons as to why it was handed down upon you? Or do you accuse an entire set of ideals and way of life for billions of people on this planet of promoting the hatred of gay people? Not once did Elton John say that religious dissent was aimed toward the sexual ACTS of homosexuality. No, to him religion directs hatred to gay PEOPLE? Give me a break!

"From my point of view, I would ban religion completely. Organized religion doesn't seem to work. It turns people into really hateful lemmings and it's not really compassionate."

Organized religion (excluding narcissism) is a saving grace for billions. Secularism is a risk, spreading to all within earshot of a radio, newspaper, television or the internet. Those who participate successfully in organized religion do their best to avoid the quick-spreading plague of secularism, and that infuriates liberals. They don't understand a Christian's reasoning and as long as they proudly hold the label, 'liberal', never will. And they will never cease until the mantra of "I'm Ok if you're OK" is ground into, replayed, and spit out of everyone's Central Nervous System grammaphone. A lemming doesn't jump off a cliff because it's brain, suddenly warped by it's Christian lifestyle, told it to. Organized religion was created from the inspiration of the compassion and peace that God Himself gracefully handed down upon us, JUDGEMENT FREE!

John also criticized religious leaders for failing to do anything about conflicts around the world.

"Why aren't they having a conclave? Why aren't they coming together?"

So Mr. John wants the religious leaders of the world, people who lead a religion(s) he thinks should be banned because of it's ineptitude and lack of response to crisis to have a conclave and come together to help save the world? Does anyone else see the hypocrisy in this statement? That would be comparable to me saying, "Well, I sure do hate the KKK and believe it should be banned completely, but they should really commune together and do something about this whole racism thing.".

"It's like the peace movement in the '60s. Musicians got through to people by getting out there and doing peace concerts, but we don't seem to do them any more," he said. "If John Lennon were alive today, he'd be leading it with a vengeance."

I don't believe for a second that those peace concerts did much of anything for the attendants but give them a large open, grassy space to smoke weed in mass. (In mass? That kinda sounds like a church!) Everything is relevant to someone high on weed!

"Did you see that cat cross the street?"
"Yeah, I did. It was HILARIOUS!"
"Did you hear about the civilian deaths in Iraq today?"
"Uh-huh. We have to create a movement, let's go to Iraq and get every solider out of there! Man, I need another toke."

The peace movement of the 60's didn't do much. Vietnam, Korea, the Gulf War, and Desert Storm all still occured, no matter how many hundreds of "peace concerts" were performed in the grassy fields in Northern California. Stupid people still shoved daisies into National Guard's rifles to "make a point". Apparently, someone on weed will believe that a single daisy will prevent a rifle from rocketing a steel bullet propelled by gunpowder out the end of it's barrel.
If Mr. Lennon were alive today, I would dare Elton John to ask him where Lennon's notion of "peace" came from. And if he asked enough questions, the creation of peace would undboutedly point to God. A God who set the standard for all humans, the same humans who fail miserably at every attempt to reach these standards. It doesn't mean we have to stop trying. And we certainly don't have the right to blame organized religion for standards we refuse to acknowledge.

We all have choices in life. For me, my current choice was made from that of a consumer's standpoint. I will no longer buy Elton John albums, and the ones I currently own will be shoved in a box labeled "garage sale".

Or would that choice just reflect my intolerance?

I'm Not Dead!....I'm Getting Better!

2006-10-28T20:29:00.000-06:00

That's right, I'm still alive. Barely.

In the process of purchasing a new laptop (my current one dies when I talk to it in a certain way) and will do my best to post here on a regular basis once said laptop is...in my lap. HAHA! Boy I'm tired.

Anyway. Expect these upcoming subjects. This will be a good reminder for me to not forget as well.

Stupid Radio Commercials

Why Oprah Sucks (That's right, I said it! Who's with me?)

Right and Wrong - How do we tell the difference?

Questions I'd like to ask God (serious and not-so-serious)

Dirty Jobs (the show)

Political Campaign Commercials

I think that's all for now. Check in when you can and I'll make an effort to post on here at least once a month. That is, if you still have an interest.

My Magazine Cover Blurbs

2006-08-31T13:22:00.000-06:00

If I owned a magazine, the cover words would look something like this -

"Jennifer Aniston talks about Dr. Scholls, the movie, "Son of the Mask" and why the paparazzi both "Sucks and Blows"

"How to please your man by going away forever!"

"Are your kids addicted to cheese?"

"Why Linda Blair hates green pea soup"

" "Celebrity Duets": Who are these people?"

"Makeup tips to help you look like a banshee for the fall"

"Cat and Mouse - Why must they fight?"

"Saddam Hussein picks the 50 best dressed of 2006"

"Who told Ben Affleck he could act?........REALLY, WHO DID IT?!"

"How to lose weight by amputation"

I need help.

Wide Awake Nightmare

2006-08-31T12:59:00.000-06:00

Wow, it's been almost a month since my last post on here. What a shame. Sorry about that, things have been crazy since the move out of the cities (YES!) early this month. What an absolute relief! I'll try to post on here as often as possible, but a dial-up connection really doesn't afford much of that kind of opportunity.

Anyway, so I'm watching TV while eating breakfast this morning and I see something almost unbelievable. So apparently there's this popular show on TV called "The View" (yes, I know lots about this show, just being sarcastic here). The premise is that 4 middle-aged to post-menopausal women gripe about the news, their personal lives (concurrently sharing WAY too much information) and each other. Then they get these celebrities guests on and lose all journalistic integrity by morphing into the biological class known as "homo sapien gushesforattentionus". How this show has stayed on the air for almost 10 years is beyond me. WHY?!?!?!

Back to the commercial. There's some sort of Broadway theme, so Rosie O'Donnell immediately appears, of course. Her devil horns are cleverly hidden underneath a black cap (maybe she wasn't wearing a cap, can't remember). Then she begins.........to........"Sing". AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! So do the rest of the cast! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! They warble on about how they can't dance or sing (then why are you doing it?!) and are going to "Shake up the View". Yes, please, shake up the view. Shake up the view of my tv so that channel goes to black during the 10am hour. I'm begging.

After the singing, there's some bizarre fast-moving closeup of a barn owl with a lisp. This magical owl says something like, "You are all stars to me!". Shut up, owl. You are choking on a bone from your daily diet of rodent news consisting of MessNBC, CNN and the New York Times. Nobody likes barn owls.

This is the sign of the end-times.

"And I saw a dragon with the face of Starr Jones come down from the sky. She roared, "Give me free stuff, I'm a lawyer!". After my denial of her request, the dragon vanished and Rosie O'Donnell took it's place. With her immediate out-of-tune warbling of tunes from the cursed musical, "Suessical", fire began to rain down on earth from heaven....."

Anything you'd like to add?

Don't You Forget...

2006-08-04T20:08:00.000-06:00

September 11th.

Spoiled Brat Alert!

2006-07-20T20:38:00.000-06:00

Wow,

It's been a while since I last posted on here. Let me just say that everyone should listen to

http://www.lauraingraham.com

at least once in their lifetime. She has a daily weekday morning radio program (from 8am-11am central) you can listen to online. Her "spoiled brat alert" today cracked me up. It has to do with CNN interviewing this prissy brat who was in Lebanon with family and complained that the evacuation boat deck was hot, that it took too long, and how 'sad' the food service was. Give me a break! Laura really rips into her and the interview at the link below. Enjoy!

Spoiled Brat Alert! - Jul 20, 2006

And you know what? I'm going to create another post tomorrow about the disgrace of the media relating the Israeli/Hezbollah conflict to Hurricane Katrina. HOW DARE YOU!?

Call a Chicken a Chicken

2006-06-15T19:34:00.000-06:00

Wow,

The democrats really are standing up for themselves this week. They had the chance to reject a bill which would spend more money on the Iraq war and what did they do?

They "let" it pass, overwhelmingly

Then today they also had the chance to show that they want to pull out troops from Iraq and what also happened?

They rejected it, overwhelmingly.

Why does anyone vote for this party? They don't even act on what they believe!

Bill Dispute..Where's My Accountant? (AKA the GAO)

2006-06-14T17:16:00.000-06:00

Inspired by today's Michael Medved broadcast, here's a list of Federal U.S. Committees and Agencies. About 99% of these should be erased, shouldn't they? What is the point of federal $ going to any of these programs? And why should we (the taxpayers) foot the $800 BILLION bill to fund all of this? C'mon people, this is twice the amount of $ we're spending in Iraq, that should make a difference........right? Right?

http://www.lib.lsu.edu/gov/alpha

What do you think?

Time to Move...Again!

2006-06-12T20:06:00.000-06:00

So how many times in 6 years does this upcoming time make it?

Oh, I don't know, maybe 14 times!!!!!!

Argh. Maybe I should go for a record: 30 times by the time I'm 30. I'm well on my way to getting there very quickly!

Don't Knock it 'Til You've Tried It!

2006-05-18T21:05:00.000-06:00

This is what my hometown does for fun every november during "Norsefest" - Race an outhouse on wheels through a chalk-drawn track. Notice the lovely hand-painted "Uff Da" on the side. Don't let the roll of toilet paper or the candy bar fall from the side poles, or more seconds will be added to your time! I tried this once, before it had wheels and needed to be carried by four people, 2 on each side. Those were the days of Old School Toilet Racing.
Mem'ries.......In the corner of my miiiiiiiind

Crazy Ideas to Pay for College

2006-05-16T20:41:00.000-06:00

Argh. I need to pay for school in sixth months. How in the world am I going to do that?! I've jotted down several ideas and need your opinion on the best one to take.

- Llama farm
- Monkey Farm
- Breed a llama and a monkey together. Farm them. For what, I have no clue.
- Create a "Name Your Own Burger" restaurant. You don't eat the burger, just name it.
- Donate plasma. Eight times a week for three months.
- Bounce around the country on a pogo stick and pick up sponsorship along the way.
- Sell an arm. (note - can only be done twice)
- Sell a leg (see additional note above)
- Learn how to breed arms and legs so I can sell them.
- Learn how to play the piano with my butt, and make a mockery of myself on stage for money.
- Force Fabio out of the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" franchise.
- Audition for Saturday Night Live. Heck, I already know that I'm better than Jimmy Fallon.
- Start a fast-food franchise that sells only ice cream. Call it the "Lactose Regeime" or "Dairy Oligarchy".
- Oh yeah, there's always the taking out of yet another freaking loan. NOOOO!

Worst.Website Homepage.Ever

2006-05-07T17:20:00.000-06:00

And it's my last name! I'm not related to these people...I don't think.

http://www.leohner.com

Workplace Commandments

2006-05-06T21:04:00.000-06:00

Well, sadly to say, the following commandments are necessary at my workplace. Do these even need to be stated? You would think it would be common-sense knowledge, but NO.

- Thou shalt not hold conversations in the public restroom. Come on, people are trying to take care of their business and your talking with a co-worker about childbirth does not make them comfortable or help the "process".

- Thou shalt not congregate in large groups around a copy machine or printer. The same goes for exits to the elevator banks or stairwells.

- Thou shalt not listen to one song, 8 hours a day, every weekday with your computer speakers on. Buy some headphones!

- Keep your cell phone ringer on vibrate or silent. Please. Hearing the elephant waltz every time your spouse calls can be very irritating to others.

- Thou shalt not belch so the entire side of the floor can hear it.

- Thou shalt not return from the restroom and then inform your co-workers about the 'process' (mentioned earlier) you just endured.

- People with loud, constant, and annoying laughs with fast vibratos should not be employed in large companies.

- Thou shalt not call the support center for assistance because you forgot to turn on your computer screen.

- Thou shalt not eat fish or stinky vegetables in your cube. The 2.5 foam filled walls do not enclose the smell!

- Thou shalt not smoke half a pack of cigarettes and then immediately get in a packed elevator. P-U!

May Day? Come on!

2006-05-06T20:39:00.000-06:00

So I'm walking in the skyways to get some lunch on Monday and decide to head to Chipotle. When I arrive, I see that the lights inside are dimmed and there is a sign on the door. The sign declares that the restraurant did not have enough employees to be open that day because of the immigration strike. So, while turning around and heading to another place, two other people approach the store. One of them says, "Oh, it looks like they are closed today...there's a sign on the door." The other said, "Oh! It's closed for May day!".

Umm.....yeah. That's it. All the Chipotle employees took the day off to hold long colored ribbons and dance around a tall pole.

My Interview with a Hollywood Celebrity

2006-04-10T20:11:00.000-06:00

Hello there, Mr./Mrs._______. Thank you for taking some time out of your busy schedule to chat with me. Let's get started, ok?

Uh huh

So how are you?

What?

How are you?

Umm...I'm ok, I guess.

You guess?

Yeah, just a little bummed out. I prayed to God with my red Kabbalah string for like, 40 seconds, but I still didn't get my dream boat. Diddy ruins everything.

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that.

Whatever. But I'm working on "Jaws 4 - Teeth in the Reef", so that extra 10 million should get, like, half the boat I want.

"Jaws 4", huh? Is that really necessary?

Well, it's what I can do to feed my kids. There's no way I'm going to send them to PUBLIC school! I only consult the Post-Mortem High Kabbalah Priest Rabbi L. Ron Hubbard Shlomo when it comes to elementary educational matters. Public school is for thetans.

What in the world do you believe?

I believe that each person creates their own destiny. I also believe that my bologna has a first name, that name being O-S-C-A-R.

Now did you really have to spell out the name? You could have just said, "Oscar".

Shut it, you thetan communist.

That was harsh! Forget it, tell me about "Jaws 4". What is the storyline?

What do you think? It's about a freaking shark that eats people! Only this time, the shark has a fish friend named Nemo. Nemo only nibbles on the victim's toes to make them laugh.

Sounds pathetic.

It really is. What am I doing with my life? At least I get to make out with Sharon Stone in the movie...she wears this really short-cut dress and then...

Ok, that's enough! I think our time is up.

Whatever. Do I get paid for this?

No. It's called free publicity.

Sounds like a rip-off. But then again, I get paid millions of dollar to pretend, so it's not like I need the money. I...

Goodbye.

ABC Special - "The 10 (Thousand) Fabrications"

2006-04-10T19:42:00.000-06:00

Wow......

This is really bad. Please, if you do anything tomorrow night, avoid the second part of "The Ten Commandments". In the first five minutes alone, there's enough inaccuracy and bad acting to make your eyes roll into the back of your head. And like I'm supposed to believe that Moses, the Jew, had blue eyes, light skin and spoke like someone trying to cover up a Scottish accent. Did the producers even consult the Bible at all? They've turned a prominent historical figure who couldn't speak well and stuttered, someone who had incredible problems managing his anger into Moses van Daam.
Take a gander at this snappy dialogue...

"Sometimes God and I argue..he always wins."

Oh yeah, and on that same token...please prove to the world that Tom Cruise is irrelevant by not watching that interview on Friday night. Since when did Diane Sawyer turn into Mary Hart?

Ants in the Pants

2006-04-09T19:34:00.000-06:00

Twin Cities residents have a disease that is much-too-common throughout the United States. The disease is prominent primarily in large cities. Sometimes that isn't the case, and the disease affects only people who have stressful jobs and/or lifestyles. The disease is called "Ants in the Pants" and it strikes without mercy, leaving millions of strung-out people in its wake.

Typical symptoms of "Ants in the Pants" include -
- Running up and down escalators, asking people blocking their paths to move out of the way.
- Pushing the elevator close buttons as soon as someone exits
- Calling their acquaintances's cell phones repeatedly until that person picks up
- Pushy behavior with any kind of restaurant wait staff
- Constantly flipping radio stations to find the "perfect" song, then immediately flipping through again after the song ends
- Creating new "lanes" on the highway in order to pass or push their way into another lane

To these people, I have a short and simple message - "RELAX! Take some ritalin, play some classical music and just calm down!"

And I say that in the most tranquil manner possible.

Back to School - Part 2!

2006-04-05T20:48:00.000-06:00

So guess what?! I was accepted into college! So starting in January 2007, I'll be a school nerd, woohoo! I'm not retarded, not retarded, not retarded....

Back to School

2006-03-17T21:09:00.000-06:00

Just starting to write this post reminds me of the film, "Billy Madison". Adam Sandler's character is waiting for the bus to take him to his first day of kindergarten and before the bus flies by to leave him standing there, lunchbox in hand, looking like an idiot, he begins to sing, "Back to school, back to school, I hope I don't look like a fool..".

Well, while sitting at work and feeling frustrated, I got a huge kick in the side of the head. Not a literal one but a mental one, mind you. "GO BACK TO SCHOOL! NOW!", the foot kicking my head screamed. So I recovered from the blow, thought about it, and made a very loose decision. I'm going back to school! A request for information from a college about a mile from home is on it's way. The school is a community college; very cheap, but has a wonderful two-year program in which you can complete all your general courses and they are all transferable to any MNSCU college. All of this for under (if tuition doesn't change too much) $7,000 TOTAL. Why didn't I do this to begin with?

I still have some of my college books, so I can study ahead and for the ACT I should re-take as well. My goal is to get a score of 25 within a year from now and then make my final college decision. Then it's loan time. ICK

Pigs and the Bible

2006-02-27T20:24:00.000-06:00

I'm currently a part of a large messageboard that has recently started a new dicussion which basically tries to disprove the Bible, specifically the Old Testament.

These people will bring up laws created in 1400 B.C. and then use them as 'proof' of the Bible's irrelevance today. A very popular argument has been brought up time and time again - God's commandment to abhor pigs in many a different circumstance. You can read his laws re this in several O.T. books, including Dueteronomy and Leviticus.

People - please - read very carefully. God's laws always had and always will have a purpose!

The command to not consume meat from, or touch pigs was a huge revelation at the time the books of Exodus, Dueteronomy and Leviticus was written, around 1445 B.C.. Why was this such a huge revelation? Well, as you can imagine, 'medicine' at that time was very immature. Blood-letting had begun around 3000 B.C and that stuck around longer than anyone could have ever imagined. So you can picture the confusion and awe that was created from God's commandment to abhor swine.

Why the commandment and why was it so special? Pigs were and are today known scavengers. They will eat practically anything, which then causes them to ingest tapeworms and develop parasites. Those people who had/have regular contact with pigs are at a heightened risk to acquire these parasites and tapeworms and as a result, develop liver and lung tumors and trichenosis. Pig farmers today still have to be incredibly careful in certain farming practices in order to prevent attaining these diseases.

Considering that many Jews at the time of their exodus from Egypt were shepherds of livestock, (including pigs) that commandment was an absolute divine protection from an unseen harm. Also consider that NO ONE at that time, except the Israeli Jews themselves, received and then practiced this law! It was a huge milestone in public health hygeine practices.

Several Old Testament books provide more of a historical and social backdrop than suggestions to alter our current laws and commandments. Practicing Jews and specific Christian denominations choose to abide by the past laws to ignore swine, shellfish and other meats as a source of food even today. Whether we decide to do this or not, (I do not) the important thing is to practice it not for the sake of tradition alone, but to show it as our personally chosen practice to honor God.

Romans 14:6-8a addresses this-

"Those who have a special day for worshiping the Lord are trying to honor him. Those who eat all kinds of food do so to honor the Lord, since they give thanks to God before eating. And those who won't eat everything also want to please the Lord and give thanks to God. For we are not our own masters when we live or when we die. While we live, we live to please the Lord."

I Need This!

2006-02-18T15:09:00.000-06:00

Ever seen the movie, "The Jerk"? It was made in the 70's and it stars Steve Martin as, well, a "Jerk". His character came from the slums and as a result of a bizarre set of circumstances, eventually became a multi-millionaire. However, when the very product which turned him into a rich man, the "Opti-Grab", a sort of nose handle for eyeglasses, turned out to be a literal eye magnet, he became bankrupt and ended up on the streets. Before he left his mansion, he decided to make a rant aimed at his wife. He stormed out, yelling "I don't need you! I don't need anything!", until he spotted an ashtray. He began to pull random items from his home and ended up alone on the street dragging his pants and holding an elegant chair, a paddleball, ashtray, and a lamp.

I wonder why we as a people decide what we 'need'. And why do these 'needs' differ so much from person to person? We all start out the same way, in the womb. We had our sources of life in that one tiny little bubble; food, oxygen, silence. Now I can understand how needs will differ based on location and living arrangements, but where do the following 'needs' come from?

"I need a BMW"
"I need an $80,000 dress"
"I need a TV in every other room in my house"
"I need a sensor that e-mails my phone when the mail arrives at my house" (These things DO exist!)
"I need a remote for the lights in my house"
"I need a movie theater in my house"

A need should be something required for survival. A want is a want, no matter how diligently you strive for it. The 'needs' listed above are extravagant, yes. The majority of people, even in America, could not see or possibly afford those luxuries. However, middle-income earners can have special 'needs', too.

-Daily coffee from any other place besides the tin can you bought at the grocery store
-Weekly pizza deliveries
-CD's and DVD's
-Cable TV
-Cigarettes and Alcohol
-Jamba Juice
-Eating out at restaurants/fast food places
-Relatively expensive vacations

Now I'm guilty of 'needing' most of the items in that second list. But I'm making the following resolution : To pray daily about one thing I can let go, one 'need' I can do without, if even for just one day. Here's the question, though - What will you do with the money you save by refraining from any item in any list? Save it up for bigger 'needs'? Or to use it for someone, some idea, or some place that actually has legitimate needs they cannot afford?

Why Do I Live Here?

2006-02-18T14:54:00.000-06:00

It's cold up here.

How cold is it, Ellie?

Well, it's so cold that while walking outside for a maximum of maybe 2 minutes, my eyelids were beginning to freeze shut.

It's so cold, that when walking by a movie theater last night, a spilled glass of pop had frozen so quickly that you could see the physical carbonation stuck to the ground.

And speaking of movies, it's so cold that when my friend and I went to see, "The Second Chance", during what was possibly the last few minutes of the film, the theater's spinkler system froze and cracked open, spewing water everywhere at the front entrance. This caused all the films to stop and the emergency lights to flip on. We never did get to see the end of it.

It's so cold that even if you were to lather lotion on your hands and then stand outside for a minute or so and come in, your skin would look like the bark on a tree.

It's so cold that your nasal cavities freeze in a matter of seconds.

It's so cold that I've now decided to become a hermit for the remainder of winter and into the first month of "Spring". I've made up some imaginary friends and we're going to watch movies, play board games, and have a rousing rendition of "truth or dare". And you're not invited!

All because it's so cold.

Doggie Duet - Happy Valentine's Day!

2006-02-13T20:46:00.000-06:00

I promise to get back into actually writing on this blog soon, but in the meantime, here's something to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day. This cracked me up.

http://www.hallmark.com/ECardWeb/ECV.jsp?a=0114491724316M95813378Y

Umm....Ew

2006-02-03T22:23:00.000-06:00

http://cgi.ebay.com/Toe-Nails-Buy-my-Toenails-There-Clean-and-Fresh-Cut_W0QQitemZ5662074476QQcategoryZ1469QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Tired

2006-01-30T22:08:00.000-06:00

If this doesn't make sense, don't blame me....I'm sooo tired and will refuse to remove any following typos.

And just for the heck of it, I'll write a song......it shall be named "The Tired Sleepy ZZZ Song....DON'T WAKE ME UP!"

I'm sooooooooooooooooooooo tired
It's 10:09 and I'm blogging about nothing
*slap slap*
wake up!

Are donkeys miniature horses?
Why do I love "Grey's Anatomy" so much?
Tiny little anvils are pulling down my eyelids
No, I'm not on crack!

My bologna has a first name, it's E-L-L-I-E
My bologna has a second name, it's T-Y-R-U-P-O-L-W-Q-C-X-V-N-M-N-S-M-I-T-H
Stairway to heaven
Oops, I did it again
It's the end of the world as we know it

And i fell fuiiiiiiiiiine

aero'ih;uj;aretg

Just Thought I'd Share...

2006-01-06T18:41:00.000-06:00

A Snippet From Ellen Degeneres' Book, "My Point...And I Do Have One"

"Think about it. One hundred poodles are scarier than one leopard. That's assuming, of course that the leopard has no legs. You could come home, open the door and see a leopard with no legs sitting in your living room. So what could it do? It's got no legs. It would be growling away, and you could sit right in front of it and make faces and touch its nose and "Woo" at it.

The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it feell out of a tree onto your head. I don't know how it got up the tree, maybe some of the other animals lifted it up there. But you have to admit when that leopard fell on you and clamped down on your head with its teeth, it would be pretty bad. You'd start running down the street yelling, "Help, help me, please."

And more often than not, you'd run into a big group of animal-rights activists, a neugahyde of animal-rights activists. And, instead of helping, theyd probabably throw red paint at you. You would scream out, "It's not a hat, it's a live animal! It's got no legs. I would never wear fur. I am wearing it against my will."

So now you've got a live leopard on your head and paint all over you as well. That is pretty darn terrifying. But you know, I don't want to diminish the spider in my shoe. Believe me, loooking back, that was scary enough. I guess all I'm trying to say is you don't have to make stuff up, there are enough scary things in real life.

Wow

2005-12-26T13:58:00.000-06:00

Well, today I did a search for books on Missionaries and picked up "Under the Overpass" and "On Being a Missionary". The latter book is supposed to have insights from 100 current and past missionaries. I've also requested information from World Venture. Also this week, I'll be going to the bank to set up a special savings account to use as funds for future missionary costs. This could hopefully be the start of something great!

Homeless

2005-12-16T21:33:00.000-06:00

As I've been thinking recently about what I want to do with my life, one idea has been milling around lately. Missionary work. It wouldn't have to be out of the country, state, or even the city. I've always wanted to help people and enjoy it so much when the opportunity arises. In fact, I had a social work major for a short amount of time.
So here's something that's on my "take a step into reaching a major goal" list. Spend at least one weekend a year as a homeless person. No money, ID, or even gum; just the clothes on my back. Mike Yankoski wrote a book on his experience, but he didn't just do it for a weekend, he did it for five months and travelled across the country, from D.C. to San Fransisco. His book is titled "Under the Overpass". He had a good friend travel along with him during the entire experience, which is something I would want as well.
How can I become sympathetic to the homeless crisis, or even poverty in other countries if I never experience it on such a level?
What do you think?

Maid in Manhattan (With a Vengeance)

2005-12-16T20:25:00.000-06:00

I don't know if once of my last posts had anything to do with it or not, but I had one of the strangest dreams ever on tuesday night.

Jennifer Lopez, aka "J.Lo" was in Minneapolis and the city threw a huge parade for her. Now I'm not a fan of hers, so having her in one of my dreams was especially odd. Anyway, back to the dream. I'm standing outside in the freezing cold watching this parade happen when the float she's standing on stops in front of me. All of a sudden the mayor walks over to her and declares that its now question and answer time, so he hands the microphone to me and asks if I have a question for Mrs. Lopez. So I come up with the first thing that pops in my head.

"Mrs. Lopez, will you ever stop using fur in your clothing designs?"

J.Lo's expression changes from thrilled to furious in a split second. She jumps off the float, runs over to me and screams, "Don't ever ask me that $*#@ question! I'm going to kill you!" She then smiles, turns around and gets back on the float. The parade then resumes....and I wake up.

freaky

Poe Wouldn't Write Like Shel Silverstein

2005-12-12T21:08:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I know that my last post was pretty depressing, but I'm currently in a depressed mood. What would you expect? Sometimes I use this blog as an excuse to vent, so as to not bring up my issues to other relatives or friends. Some family and friends, who, ironically read this blog. Oh well.

Today was not a good day. Granted, I had enough work that would last me through the day, and that is always a plus, but for some reason I was so incredibly moody. Once in a while I'll get these mood swings. The sour end of the swing feels like an internal catfight.

Why the swing? Well, some of it must be hormonal. Sometimes I wonder why people were given these chemical balances and imbalances and specific glands which create hormones and why women seem to express the effects of these hormones more vocally and physically than men. If a man were to suddenly switch from having a nice, calm demeanor while dining at a restaurant to someone who instantly cries when the server says, "Sorry, we're out of vanilla ice cream", most would assume that this man has severe emotional problems. But when a pregnant woman goes from being the social light of a party to locking herself in a dark bedroom 15 minutes later crying, "I just want to be alone", nothing much is considered, except for those pesky hormones.

What would be another reason for today's swing? Minor irritations at work have ballooned into major annoyances, and today the balloon popped.

And another reason? I've realized more often than not, I can easily figure out what I don't want to do in life as opposed to what I do want to achieve before this life escapes from my body. Not only that, but I cannot come up with a single immediate way to get out of this rut. Not even a 5-year plan comes to mind.

I'm 23. Not married or even in a relationship, and not wanting to ever be in that status at all. Period. Is that normal, even for me? Not sure. Wanting to desperately go back to school, but not having the financial means whatsoever, and not even having a parent with that convenience. And I used to think that music was my definite career path. Now I'm not so sure. Wanting so much to have a permanent job, but not knowing how and not even getting an interview for the jobs I've been the most excited about pursuing. During my high school reunion last July, a former classmate asked what I had been up to since we had last seen each other. When I stated my reply in the most positive manner I could give, he apologized and said, "Everyone gets in a rut sometimes." . Wow. I felt like a total failure.

So for now, here's my goal for the next year, 2006.
- Get $1,000 in a general savings account

- Keep active in church

- Get a permanent job

- Stay in current housing arrangement

- Keep chipping away at my $10,000 college debt, get it down to $9,000

- Start new college savings account, get at least $500 in there (that should cover books expenses for one semester)

- If I can afford it, get a used car

- Keep adding to the "What I Don't Want to Do With My Life" list

- Maybe (a big maybe) figure out what I want to do before I die

- Take one step (minor or major) into reaching a life goal

- Read. Anything. All the Time.

Man, it is, pathetically, so hard to even comprehend an end in sight.

Don't Ralph, Ok?

2005-12-11T20:53:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I had the chance to come across a program called "2005's Big Spenders". The premise of the show is basically self-explanatory - it focuses on the celebrities who spend the most money in one year, and what they've bought with that money. Don't throw up when I list the following -

Madonna spent $10,000 on diamond encrusted eyelashes
Jennifer Lopez - $10 million on two rings
Tom Cruise - $20,000 on a necklace for his current fiance'
T-Boz - $50,000 on a mini-house for her daughter
Posh Spice and David Beckham - $150,000 for a play house for their kids
Paris Hilton and her former B/F - $1 million to rent a yacht for a month off the coast of Greece
Usher - An $80,000 diamond self-portrait on a watch

Can you imagine how much assistance $10 million would provide to those who suffered from Hurricane Katrina and Rita? How about those in Uganda who will travel many miles in one day through enemy territory to get a scrap of wood in order to start a fire to warm up meat at home? Or those who were just hit from the earthquake in Pakistan? Or those who struggle with aids.....or.....basically ANY other cause besides the feeding of these person's self-indulgence?

Now I'm not saying that if I had some extra cash that I wouldn't splurge a little. However, I completely admire Rick Warren, author of "The Purpose-Driven Life". When the money rolled in, he didn't upgrade his lifestyle. He didn't move into a better home and didn't get a better car. In fact, he tithed in reverse. He lived off 10% of his income and gave away 90%. I understand that most of the world's population cannot live like that, but what a world it would be if we could! What a difference it would make if John Travolta sold his jet and gave the proceeds to cancer research. If Madonna sold her second home in Britain and donated to Hurricane Katrina relief efforts. In fact, if Madonna just took a second look at those eyelashes, said "pass", then gave that same amount of $ to a food shelter or the Salvation army.

I want to cry.

Hilarious Videos

2005-11-30T23:23:00.000-06:00

A church actually made these videos as a satirical look at Jesus and most importantly who He is NOT. These four videos will crack you up.

www.vintage21.com

>>Enter Site
>>Hover mouse over film projector at top of images and click
>>click videos
>>Page 2 (small blue number at top)
>>Enjoy

Lies, Lies, Lies

2005-11-07T17:29:00.000-06:00

Ok, this is just something I have to get off my chest.

I'm trying to figure out the turning point in which the news reports went from being honest to a constant spewing of blatant lies. I cannot believe or watch the news anymore without shaking my head in disbelief or disgust.

Last week on the local news station, I saw a dramatic slow-motion re-enactment of a dog being bitten by a coyote. WHO CARES? Does anyone report on the following?

We have a war in Iraq in which democrats once said was justified but is now called "unfounded" for some particular reasons. They had and still have the same information that comes across the president's desk, but disagree.

Joseph Wilson (who consistently donates to the the democratic party), Valerie Plame's husband, once made a statement to the CIA that Sadaam Hussein had contacted Niger for its interest in "yellow cake" a form of uranium that can be used in the production of nuclear weapons but then reniged that statement saying that Iraq had interests only in Nigers other products. And what would those other products be? Hmm......how about cowpeas, cotton, peanuts, millet, sorghum, cassava (tapioca), rice; cattle, sheep, goats, camels, donkeys, horses, and poultry. I can just picture Sadaam calling up the Nigerian government to negotiate the shipping rates on tapioca and rice for the annual Betty Crocker Cook-off. "We always lose to Niger, but not this time! Our tapioca pudding will have them in the palms of our hands! Death to the infidels!".

The war on Iraq, Hurricane relief efforts, the riots in France, the confirmation proceedings of Judge Alito,and Bird Flu should be the world's news priorities and MUST be reported in an unbiased fashion, but the differences in journalistic integrity from station to station are astounding. And what are some of the top stories for today alone?

Cheerleaders Had Sex in Bar, Witnesses Say

Aniston Happy to Talk About Her Dog

Not that you news stations would listen to me or even come across this blog, but just in case -

To those who report the news on a daily basis-

Please, please, pretty please. I know you get paid too much for any of you to actually care about what goes on in the world, but if you could remember a few things, it would make an absolute world of difference -

You are not an elected politician. Therefore, do not interject your own political beliefs and opinions into your stories. Your desk is not your soapbox, your job is to be a clean slate.

If there's a natural disaster (i.e. hurricane) about to hit dry land, don't send a reporter to just stand outside to get beaten by the rain and forces to then proclaim "Wow, it's windy out here!" You don't say.

I do not want to see any of your side talents included in your reports. That means no singing Lisa Loeb.

If you book a conservative opinion for a story, get a liberal to counteract those opinions.

Stop interviewing celebrities. They are the absolute antithesis to anything moral or relevant to today's society. I do not need or want the political opinions of someone who makes more $ than the third world countries they beg us to support.

Is a John Williams symphony really necessary during the opening credits? No, so remove it!

When in doubt, shut up and read from the teleprompter!

UGH

Could It Be?

2005-10-24T21:12:00.000-06:00

Could it be that some possible BIG changes are in store? Could I be willing to change from-

Pine Trees to Palm Trees?

The Swedish, Norweigan, German ancestry to Spanish?

Land of 10,000 lakes to Land of Governer Schwarzenegger?

"Minnesota Nice" to "Can I Give you a Reference to a Good Plastic Surgeon?"

Hennepin County to Orange County?

Missisippi River to Pacific Ocean?

Ice Fishing to Surfing?

Uff Da

This is going to take some major internal preparation.

Ten Years

2005-10-10T17:24:00.000-06:00

The "Sermonator" brought up a very interesting point in one of his lessons today. He stated that if ten years ago anyone could see their future as it is today that person would be very suprised to see the outcome. In some cases, NOTHING would have been as predicted! How true!
When I was 13 years old my plans by the time I would reach 23 were as follows -

- Join the air force.
- After leaving the air force, run for a people-elected government position or become a lawyer.

In just five years, shortly before graduating high school, oh how those plans changed! They now were -

- Attend and finish my first round of college to become a music education teacher.
- Possibly get a graduate degree at Purdue.

In 2 years, all of those had vanished with the wind. I've now become a temp worker, after trying to keep a long-term and successful career in a law firm which obviously didn't work. And in the past 5 years alone, including going back and forth from college, I've moved 13 TIMES. How in the world did this fit in with all my hopes and dreams? Well, it didn't at all!

But I've realized something very incredible. I'm in God's hands throughout all of this. All these changes could have happened as a matter of protection from who knows what. God's means are completely beyond my understanding, but that's OK! I realize that if my life had no purpose, it wouldn't be. Why would our God keep us alive, breath by breath if would all lead to a pointless existence? We all have a definite purpose but because it's future is unseen we tend to get frustrated and/or lose faith (something I've been guilty of recently).

When life seems uncertain, scary, and uncomprehensible, STOP. Take a breath. Pray and pray often. Since when has God ever worked according to our own timetable? If He did that, it would undermine His own power. Remember that we are each clay in his hands, literally formed from this very earth. That clay is constantly being formed to something workable in his plan.

We're just not there yet!

My Zoo Sucks, But I'm Still Charging Admission

2005-09-12T14:54:00.000-06:00

Does anyone remember the film, "Jerry Maguire"? If so, you may recall the scene where Mr. Cruise (I know psychiatry!) is sitting on the couch, drunk, chatting with his soon-to-be wife's child, played by Jonathan Lipnicki. In the middle of this non-sensical conversation, the kid perks up and says "I wanna go to the zoo! Let's go to the zoo!". Whatever happened to that kid? I wanna know, because that kid needs a punch in the face. Wait, sorry there, hormones are acting crazy......the guy who wrote that line needs a punch in the face. I LOVE CHILDREN! So for now, Mr. Lipnicki, you are safe....until the day "Like Mike 2" comes to theaters.

Recently, I've been called a zoo-keeper. Why a zookeeper? Well, my apartment has turned into the perfect space to witness mice, bats and caterpillars in their "natural" environment. A couple of weeks ago as I'm walking to my apartment I notice something sticking to the hallway wall. What is it? A bat, and not a tiny one. I thought it would transform into Nosferatu at any given second. The next day it had disappeared.

Shortly after Nosferatu's unwelcomed visit, I noticed short little brown lines on my apartment walls and ceiling. Because my eyesight isn't that great and because my walls are pretty high, I had assumed that they were cracks beginning to develop. The next day about 10 more "cracks" arrived. It wasn't until I had stood on a chair and stretched as close as I could to see these cracks that I had realized the misconception. These were not cracks, but caterpillars. To this day I cannot find their entry point into the apartment. That was two weeks ago, and more and more of these creatures show up at a rate of 7 per day.

Then on the friday before labor day, I sat down at the computer to relax and enjoy the start of my three-day weekend when I heard the undeniable sound of scratching behind the oven and fridge. That means only one thing: MICE. I got up from my chair and reached for a flashlight to see one of the critters walk smack-dab onto a sticky trap and start to squeak. Only it's back side was stuck, so it tried to drag itself across my kitchen floor with its front, tiny paws. Finally after contorting its body into ungodly ways it gave up and rested by my oven, where it began to chew on the oven sides. "Please chew through a gas line and take this building up and away!", were my thoughts. So I stayed with relatives that weekend, hoping that it would die before I got home that next tuesday. Luckily it did.

Then on the following friday, I came back to the apartment to check things out. About 25 caterpillars on my walls? Check. The unmistakeable smell of rodents, possibly dead ones in the walls or my A/C vent? Check. I walked on the carpet and heard "EEEEEE!" What the heck!? Is there a mouse underneath the carpet and I just happen to be squishing the poor creature? No, I didn't see any tremors (or Kevin Bacon). Walked a few more steps in another direction - "EEEEE!". $%%#!@)#)!)%$%%#!@)#)!)% Then some plastic bags on the floor by my countertop started to rustle. I'm beginning the think that the ghost of "Little Mousie Chews My Oven" has taken over the place.

In the meantime, I'm staying with relatives until moving day this saturday (CAN'T WAIT! AAAAH!). Got home today to see that the caterpillars are still coming, and finding solace in making little cocoons in my bedspread. That would have been nice to know before I took a quick nap in there yesterday. FRICKING DEMON MOUSE CATERPILLER NOSFERATU BUILDING!

The managers are going to start showing my apartment to potential residents soon. I'm hoping that when they enter the room that a giant winged bat-rat with red eyes, its mouth full of caterpillars lunges at them. That or maybe I'll borrow the neighbor's cat (the building is a no-pets building) to crap on the floor. Any suggestions?

Today He Gave Me...

2005-08-30T21:09:00.000-06:00

Today He Gave Me...

Man, I Love "The Onion"

2005-08-18T17:22:00.000-06:00

"War on String May Be Unwinnable, Says Cat General"

Michael Bay's Rant on "March of the Penguins"

City Perks

2005-08-17T20:26:00.000-06:00

Living in a rather large city definitely has its benefits. Lots of shopping, restaurants, entertainment, colleges, sports teams and places to work. Some of the non-permanent benefits include the occasional concert, traveling plays and musicals, prominent speakers, and presidential visits (especially during election years). And once in a rare while, big-name celebrities will come here to work on films. Most recently Lindsay Lohan, Kevin Kline, Meryl Streep, Lily Tomlin and Woody Harrelson spent several weeks in St. Paul for a feature film on Garrison Keillor. This past winter Mr. Harrelson, Sissy Spacek and Charlize Theron spent about the same amount of time on a film in Northern MN. Today was my first witness of a celebrity in downtown Minneapolis. And might I say that if all the following encounters are like this one, I'll take a definite pass on rubbing elbows with any of them again.

When getting ready to head out the door for work every weekday, I happen to listen to a local popular radio station that has a hilarious morning show. Yes, sometimes it can be a little crude, but most of it is in good taste. Their annual april fool's day pranks on listeners are enough to get you hooked. Today I was about to head out the door when one of the radio personalities announced that they were about to give out 3rd row tickets to a big-name concert this weekend. The only way someone could win them today was if their intern, Crisco, happened to talk with you and proposition you to do something in return for the tickets.

Well, today happened to be the day when Crisco was walking downtown, about 4 blocks from my apartment building. What was his offered proposition to any taker? In order to get these tickets, you had to pee yourself. See, apparently in some southern state very recently, this electronics store had a tremendous sale of 4-year old MAC laptops for $50. Obviously a stampede ensued so one woman had a brilliant idea that she could save her spot in line if she wet herself. So why wouldn't this twin cities station think it was a fabulous idea?

NO, I DID NOT PEE MYSELF. Get that horrible thought out of your head. I had enough time today to hear Crisco get refused flat-out by one woman and then set on my path to work. Wouldn't you know it, about 2 blocks from the building I look ahead and see Mr. Crisco on a cell phone (his communication with the station personalities) and two women standing to his side. These women looked extremely professional, clean-cut, but very young. So because of the latter fact, why wouldn't they agree to peeing in front of a perfect stranger? I heard enough of their conversation on the walk past that it made my skin crawl. "Oh, they way we would do it would be clean, it wouldn't take much time at all!". BLECH.

Oh the things people will do nowadays.

Remind Me Again...

2005-08-16T16:39:00.000-06:00

..As to why I hate dating. Based on my current preferences, here's what I must do in order to meet my 'soul mate' (as if there ever were such a thing). Might I mention that this is BULLCRAP!

Your probability coefficient: 4.52578700220433E-10.

You have to meet 2,209,560,458 American single males who are between 21 and 33 years old.

They also have to meet these religious requirement(s):
- Protestant
- Other Christian

Note: We only have religion statistics for ALL American singles. Therefore, your religion probability was excluded.

You might have to move.

HMM, yeah I think I may have to move if it is necessary to meet a quarter of the world's population before I die.

My Soldier

2005-08-14T20:28:00.000-06:00

Hey guys, if you have the time but don't know how to help out soldiers overseas, here's an idea. All you have to do is WRITE A LETTER. Sign up at the link below and you will be assigned your very own soldier. All the soldiers appreciate these letters so much. I've just finished my very first letter and will put it in the mail tomorrow. And don't worry, this is NOT a scam. It is 100% completely FREE, but they do suggest a $10 donation, which is not required to sign up. A donation envelope comes with your sign-up letter, "My Soldier" bracelet, and soldier contact information. This is a great and very cheap idea for church groups or elementary schools. All the information you need is at -

http://www.mysoldier.com/

Musical Bummer

2005-08-07T17:50:00.000-06:00

Last month, my church worship pastor informed me that they were in need of some upcoming offering music for the month of august. I decided to sign up for a clarinet solo, even though the music was not yet decided. The church pianist and I had an initial meeting to decide what would be best to play, and to decide if a prelude peice was also needed. We eventually chose two songs - "God and God Alone" for the prelude and "Great is the Lord" for an offering peice, both for solo clarinet. I was especially excited about "Great is the Lord". It is a popular song written by Michael W. Smith, my favorite gospel artist. A very strong, intense and undeniably moving contemporary song that accomplishes what a great hymn also does - gives glory to God and praises His name. From the moment I heard this song, I've loved it and have had a dream to play it on any instrument for an offering. This has been an 8-year goal.

I had about 4 weeks to practice these songs and did so at least a couple of times a week for a 1/2 hour each time. Yesterday the accompianist and I met for a final practice which lasted over an hour. The big performances were set to happen today and although I was extremely nervous and way too critical of myself already (What if I squeak? I sound too strained on the high notes! AH, I can't get all the trills!), it was thrilling. A lot of hard work went into these songs, mainly because they are so well known and I didn't want to butcher them in front of an entire congregation. After our group band rehearsal this morning, I decided not to go to our regular coffee so the songs could be played through at least one more time. Sounded good. I walked around and saved my breath, didn't talk to anyone, said a few words of encouragement and just tried to keep myself as relaxed as possible.

Then it was the big moment. I got up on stage and began to play the prelude. It went great, way better than I had expected and I was at least happy to not have run out of air. There was still quite some time before the offering, so I sat down and again tried to reassure myself that everything would go well. Church announcements came and went. Then it was the recap of children's summer bible school and a very adorable song, complete with stomping feet and clapping hands and flying up into trees (not literally but lyrically, mind you). All of this was completely enjoyable until the kids started to exit the stage.

My eyes were literally about to bulge from their sockets when I witnessed three kids work their way between the performance microphone and the music stand holding my clarinet and sheet music. The stand began to waver and had stopped completely when another person bumped into it. The stand fell backwards, sending the clarinet bouncing off the piano behind it and dropping to the floor with a loud thud. It took all the self-control I could muster in order not to yell "SON OF A %(@)$!". While someone else picked up the stand, I crawled behind the piano to pick up the clarinet and inspect that everything was OK. No broken reed- GOOD! No cracked plastic - GOOD! But wouldn't you know it, the only button that is absolutely necessary to play every note except one was jammed open and unmoveable. By the way, this was the second time an instrument of mine has been dropped on stage and broken. My saxophone was dropped in plain view of the entire congregation once. Now three of the notes won't play.Luckily at the time of this accident, the audience was being entertained with a summer bible school slideshow. They didn't see my face flush red, walk over to the accompanist now sitting at the organ and say "My horn won't play, you will have to come up with your own offering music". AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How annoying! So the accompianist eventually just played the piano part for "Great is the Lord" by herself, while I sat there looking and feeling like an idiot while the entire congregation was wondering why another instrumentalist wasn't up there, as the bulletin had said would happen.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! Just want to get that out in the open.

So now my peice of crap instrument is totally incapacitated and in desperate need of repair. Fortunately, the church offered to pay any repair costs and to ante up for an actually professional clarinet stand. But let me say, just for the heck of it, one more time -

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to eat an entire pizza now.

Yes, I Am a Hick

2005-08-01T21:49:00.000-06:00

Yes, I am a country hick. A momentarily displaced hick, but a hick nonetheless. After living in the cities for what seems to be a century so far, I have come to embrace my hick-ness. These engraved characteristics and behaviors has previously been items of shame, but not anymore. So for now, before I forget, I will lay out the reasons as to why I'm proud to be a hick.

- I like Garth Brooks and the Dixie Chicks.
- In my former farm community, my high school was in the middle of a corn field, nine miles from the nearest town.
- It is possible at night to see the stars! LOTS of them! Can you do that in the city? I think not!
- Traffic Jams only occur when five vehicles are stuck behind a John Deere.
- When having a bonfire outside, it is necessary to keep your food in check so a coyote doesn't come from behind and grab it.
- Having school cancelled because of fog is always great!
- I can drive a pickup truck and not look like an idiot.
- When driving down the highway, you can tell what kind of farms are around just by the smell.
- When I graduated high school, I knew the first AND last names of every student in my grade.
- Homes, on average, cost $40,000. My first home in the country was three stories with a basement and large garage. It cost my mom $16,000.
- In certain towns, there are more bat problems than mouse problems.
- When giving directions to a farm, you say things like "Go 1.6 miles NE, turn left at the big blue silo, then go .7 miles W"
- Farm driveways are a 1/2 mile long.
- Our idea of fun "back in the day" was to drive to abandoned farms and just chat.
- When traveling to the homeland this past weekend, I was ridiculed for owning a cell phone.
- The only planes flying overhead are crop sprayers.

"El Autobus" - Act One, Scene 3

2005-07-23T18:33:00.000-06:00

"Oh Crap!"

About 20 or so cars in two lanes of traffic wait at the 394 entrance lights, unknowingly sitting oh so patiently while the 20-ton monster approaches from behind.

Ms. Smith clasps onto the handrail next to her and closes her eyes, turning into an standing ostrich with it's head planted in the ground. "If I can't see what's going to happen, then it won't happen, right? RIGHT?!"

"HEY! You should probably put all the stuff that's liable to fly underneath your seat or something, this doesn't look good.", warns Ms. Smith's companion.

Ms. Smith, with her eyes still slammed shut says, "Is this really happening? Is everyone else completely oblivious to this?"

Suddenly, a series of violent jerks causes Ms. Smith's eyes to pop open. Miraculously, BAAB has realized that she has a more than one pedal underneath her steering wheel and decides that just for the heck of it, just this one time, she will see what happens when she presses on the big flat one to the left of the gas pedal. "WHOA! Guys, look at this! When I push this one here, it makes the bus go slower! I should experiment with this one more often! This is AWESOME!"

The preceding words cause everyone on the ride to stand up and ferociously clap. "WOOOH!", they scream. But since BAAB is also completely deaf in her right ear, she cannot hear the exclamations of approval. "UUUUH, this pedal is hard". With that, she slams on the brake. Those who were standing have now received a very unwanted and very unexpected version of the heimlich manuever.

Ms. Smith begins to cry. "I never pictured my deathbed to be a smelly, sticky bus that was likely bred from the depths of Mordor. I wanted to die warm in my bed after having a full, happy and experienced life!"

Suddenly a low, strong voice bellows, "Relax, will ya? Sheesh!"

"What the...?" Who are you?" Ms. Smith recoils in horror to see a large, muscular man dressed all in white. A man, who until five seconds ago was nowhere to be seen. His face is as clear as porcelain. A bright yellow glow eminates from his pores.

"I am the Angel Gabriel, and I was sent by God to spare the lives of you people. There was a glitch in the "plan" upstairs. The Angel Michael was playing Minesweeper on the "plan" computer and accidentally typed in "Death by Bus" instead of "Death by Sub". Luckily, I know Tae Kwon Do."

"What? Why is Tae Kwon Do necessary now?", cries Ms. Smith.

Gabriel screams, "JUDO CHOP!" and takes his open hand to BAAB's neck. Her head drops like a brick. He pulls BAAB's body from the front and drags her to the back of the now floating bus.

A small boy sitting on his mother's lap turns to her face, excitedly. "Mommy, I just saw the Angel Gabriel punch out an old woman! Score!"

The laughing Angel says, "You think that was cool, then watch this! Have any of you seen the movie 'Back to the Future?'".

With that, the bus starts to gain air speed. Within the time span of 10 seconds, the vehicle travels from the crowded entrance to 394 in Golden Valley to it's final stop on Hennepin Ave downtown. In amazement, Ms. Smith notices that people waiting at the stop have not been affected by the sudden appearance of the floating jet bus. In fact, it is as though nothing extraordinary has happened at all!

"Ok, peeps, this is your final stop! Get moving, I don't have time to stand around all evening!"

The passengers, all in utter confusion, slowly start towards the open doors. Well, all of them except Ms. Smith. With her mouth dropped to the floor, she achingly stands up and paces to Gabriel. Her steps are as confident as those of a toddler who has just learned to walk.

"So you are an Angel?"
"Yes".
"And you know how and when I'm going to die?"
"Yes".
"Can I ask you something extremely important?"
"Go ahead."
"Am I going to heaven or hell?"

Gabriel stares at Ms. Smith with a strong intensity. Ms. Smith feels a change in her entire body, as though every emotion she's ever felt are now completely co-existing in their strongest phases.

"Now you know the answer to your question, right?"
"Yes, for how long?"
"For the remainder of your time on this bus. Now go home, my child."

Ms. Smith slowly turns around and exits off the bus. Her first step hits the concrete sidewalk and the numbness and confusion that has filled every day of her entire life engulfs her mind with such a force that it makes her fall to the ground. She completely forgets the question she posed to Gabriel and the answer she received just moments before. A nearby stranger rushes to her side and pulls her up. "Are you OK?, she says.

"Yeah, did you see what happened with the bus?"
"What bus?"
"The freaking bus that just floated to this stop! The bus I just tripped off from!"
"That guy's dog ran in front of you. You fell pretty hard. I haven't seen a bus in the past five minutes or so."

Ms. Smith frantically turns her head around to examine the scene. The lady was right, there isn't a bus in sight. She looks to the corner of the street and sees a short man wearing black shades. In his tense hands, he grasps a thick and taut leash to which an excited, barking dog is attached to the end. The man yells, "I'm so sorry, he just gets playful sometimes!"

The lady who helped her up says, "Are you sure you are OK? Maybe you got a concussion."
"No, really, I'm OK. You can let me go now. I live blocks away from here. I just want to go home. Thanks for your help."
"Ok, take it easy, will ya?"
"Ok".

Befuddled, Ms. Smith takes a moment to make sure all her belonging are intact. She starts a careful and confusing way home. Her stomach begins to grumble. Noticing the yellow glow of the Subway restaurant sign on her right, she decides to grab a bite to eat. All those miracles in one day can make a person hungry, you know.

"El Autobus" - Act One, Scene 2

2005-07-11T19:17:00.000-06:00

Ms. Smith has now found a seat in which to hunker down for her ride home. For now, she is relatively comfortable, as the ride hasn't merged onto the interstate or even a major street. She decides to make the best of this next minute 1/2 in the best way she knows how - to pray. "Please, don't let me die!"

The bus, after turning the corner onto the first major street has now arrived at it's first stop since Ms. Smith's arrival. Ten people who are obviously very warm and cranky, creep up the tiny bus stairway and make their way towards a seat. Two women who appear to be good friends or at least work associates, wink at Ms. Smith. They know how stressful this ride can make anyone on here, especially Ms. Smith. They jokingly close their eyes and make the sign of the cross. All of this is unknown to "Blind as a Bat" driver, as the two women are sitting directly behind her chair and the glass wall barricade between them. The two women lean over and whisper to Ms. Smith and point:

"You should sit here, behind her. Then you can't see ahead of you, only just to the left."
"Thanks! That actually sounds like a good idea. I'll do that"

Ms. Smith makes her way to the left side and picks a seat, just as the bus has started to move again. BAAB unexpectedly and quickly swerves to the furthest left lane and if she hadn't noticed the man in the red taurus behind her, she would have undoubtedly pushed him up and over the concrete island. Instead of checking the traffic behind her and safely moving to the right to let the taurus pass, she instead speeds up (as quickly as a 20-ton vehicle can speed up in one block) and holds her emergency horn down until they both approach the double-laned exit to 394. While both of them are sitting and waiting for the exit light to turn green, the red taurus creeps up beside BAAB and flips the bird. BAAB laughs, pulls the microphone to her mouth and yells over the P.A.,

"DID YOU SEE THAT? HE FLIPPED ME OFF. THAT MAKES ME WANT TO PUSH HIM INTO THE CONTRETE WALL. SOMETIMES I TRY TO SCARE THEM SO THEY GET THE MESSAGE AND LEAVE ME ALONE. SOME PEOPLE DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE, I TELL YA"

Ms. Smith frantically searches in her work bag to find a pen and the closest thing to a peice of paper. She scribbles the bus number, exact time and bus route, location and double-checks to see that the Transit Line is in the address book of her cell phone. She then looks ahead (big mistake) through the wide front window to witness the trouble that is about to ensue.

The bus is approaching 394 at break-neck speed while remaining traffic is at a standstill.

Ms. Smith looks over at her two bus associates and says,

TO BE CONTINUED...

"El Autobus" - Act One, Scene 1

2005-07-07T20:44:00.000-06:00

The following is based on actual events. Although some of this is completely made up, unfortunately, a lot of it isn't. Some of the verbal exchange is actually written as close to verbatim as possible. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

ACT I , SCENE 1

We find Ms. Smith standing on the street corner across from her work place, patiently waiting for her evening bus ride home. After a while, she pulls out her cell phone to check on the time and realizes that her ride is late. Extremely late. Ms. Smith starts to fidget, shifting her balance from foot to foot and occasionally looking back to see if there's any sign of a bus heading her direction. Another minute passes. And another. Her other companions who are also waiting for the same bus decide to each pull out another cigarette, figuring that they still have enough time on their hands to get in another drag. Finally, as Ms. Smith concludes that she would be better off going back inside to cool off and catch the next bus (she knows some of her future already) for a safer, calmer ride, she hears the rumbling of the metro bus, the squeaking brakes, and sees her ride pull up to the stop. Ms. Smith, as calmly as possible, steps inside and pulls out her bus fare ticket. She slides it into the meter and wishes that all will hopefully go well. The meter spits out the ticket, calling it 'misread', refusing to deduct any amount from the remaining $14 left on the card. The driver, an older woman with long white hair, glasses as thick as her obvious southern accent, watches this event and says:

"Did you take that ticket in to the metro office?"
"No, I didn't know I had to do that"
"The next time the meter declines that ticket, I'm not going to let you on this bus"
"Fine. Though this is your fault.
"Why?"
"This ticket was working perfectly until I got on your route home yesterday evening. When I put the ticket into the slot, your meter sucked it up, paused, spit it out and sucked it up again. Ever since last night, I can't get this ticket to work properly."
"Well, it's not my fault"
"Yes, it is."
"You don't have to get angry with me, I didn't do anything."
"I'm not even close to angry, don't put emotions into my head. You are telling me that I have to take this ticket into a metro transit office because your meter screwed it up? What time does the office downtown open?"
"8 AM"
"I have to be here at 7:30 in the morning. What time does it close?
"5 PM"
"I can't leave work early. This bus doesn't even pick me up until quarter after five. And I know the office isn't open on the weekends, right?"
"That is correct."
"So I have to waste this ticket I bought for $20 that still has $14 left on it and buy another one? Seems like a good scam to me."
"You don't have to get upset."
" I'm not upset, drive your freaking bus home. Just don't kill me while doing it."
"SIT DOWN!"
"Whatever. You better watch your back. I have an exotic spiky fruit I'm going to chuck at your head when you least expect it."

SCENE TWO WILL BE POSTED TOMORROW. FEEL FREE TO INSERT ANY CREATIVE IDEAS AS TO WHERE THIS STORY WILL END UP. I WILL, HOWEVER, STILL INSERT SOME ACTUAL EVENTS (ALTHOUGH NAMES AND PLACES WILL BE CHANGED) TO SHOW THE RIDICULOUSNESS OF MY DAILY ROUTE HOME. IF YOU ARE CONFUSED AS TO WHY THIS SUBJECT IS BEING DISCUSSED, PLEASE REFER TO THE PREVIOUS POST ENTITLED, "OTTO, PLEASE". THANK YOU.

Through the Voice of a Child

2005-07-05T20:42:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I went to a BBQ in South Minneapolis. The owners of the home have two children, a 2-week baby and a two-year old boy. I'll now offer the translation of certain words through this boy's understanding. You'll be amazed at the clarity.

vicky = "geeky"
ellie = "ewee"
car = "carrrrrr"
help = "uuuuuuhhh"
Jean = "nini"
green tractor = "geen gacker"
loader = "lolo"
kittie = "kiggee"
chair = "tear"
baby = "bobby"
shoe = "soo"

It all makes so much sense, doesn't it?

Otto, Please!

2005-07-05T20:08:00.000-06:00

Ok, so i just starting working at this place in Golden Valley, which requires me to ride the bus to and from home. No biggie, as I've ridden the bus MANY a time. Compare those costs to what it would be with a car and insurance, and it saves hundreds, if not thousands of $ a year!
Anyway. So the first time I hopped on the route home I stepped onto unknown (and soon to be obvious) unsafe territory.
Picture this bus driver in your head: an old lady, somewhere in her 60's. Long hair as white as snow. Glasses as thick as a the bottom of a glass bottle. Now assume as to what her driving talents could possibly be, based on those facts alone. Now factor in that her driving teacher was most likely Evil Knievel.
I have never been so terrified as a bus passenger as I am now. Hopefully her shift will change very soon and she'll be assigned to a new route. I've heard that all the drivers rotate every two weeks or so.
I hopped on the bus thursday evening, sat in a comfy seat and assumed that this would be a nice relaxing 10-minute ride home. Think again. She would NOT stop talking! Not only that, but everyone could hear it because she moved the microphone to her mouth so it was broadcast over the P.A. system. She gave a 5-minute lecture on how the bus rates would go up by a quarter the next day. Then the remaining 5 were her slamming on the brakes, cutting off traffic on the interstate (even other busses!), yelling in her microphone to tell other drivers to get out of the way (as if they could even hear her at all), and honking the horn at just about anything that seemed to move in front of, beside or blocks away. AAAAH!
During today's ride I just sunk my nails into the foam seat ahead of me and prayed. Occasionally, that prayer was interrupted by silent screaming and gasping but I think He got the drift. I had expected to arrive downtown to hear screaming on the sidewalk and flying baby carriages, but luckily that didn't happen. YET. Ironically, after hopping off the mobile tunnel of terror I felt the sudden need to see "War of the Worlds". I highly recommend it!
Where's Otto the bus driver when you need him? He would be a vast improvement.

...And Darkness Covered the Earth

2005-06-20T12:47:00.000-06:00

Ok, So I'm sitting here checking my e-mail and such and decide to check my blog when all of a sudden, my apartment immediately turns pitch black. I look outside and the clouds are a turquoise. What I originally thought were skateboarders messing around outside turned out to be a continuous stream of thunder that has so far lasted for 10 minutes straight. A minute later, I decide to gather up my courage and witness that the street in front of my building is now a river. Checking startribune.com, I see that this severe storm has already ripped through the western portion of the states, creating funnel clouds and ripping the roofs off several homes. Currently, the wind is so strong that combined with the rain, its actually visible. The rain sounds as though a bunch of kids are throwing pebbles at my window. Lightening has now arrived and the thunder is so strong that my lamp flickers and the building shakes with every boom. Amazing how a single storm can make you feel so insignificant, hmm?
Okay, I should probably sign off before the electricity cuts out or I get zapped.........ASRTOL;IUJAWERLKJASDFLK;JASDFASJ;L

DKFJASLD;KFJAS!(@(!(@

OW!

The Puppy Peave

2005-06-19T19:03:00.000-06:00

Why are pets, more specifically, dogs, allowed to be treated, dressed and fed like human beings? Why do some people have this scary obsession which is completely irrelevant to the dog, except in the case for that dog to be horribly spoiled?
A few weeks ago, a dear friend of mine decided to go puppy shopping. After looking online in the classified ads, she saw a specific breed they wanted and decided to drive 6 hours one-way to IOWA for this puppy. Once the puppy was in their possession, she forgot one crucial aspect to having this dog: checking with her apartment manager to see if she could actually have it in her building. After having the dog in her place for over two weeks, she discovered that it was not an option. The apartment manager who lives DIRECTLY above her inevitably discovered the dog and told her she had until noon the next day to get the dog out. So this friend MOVED. INTO ANOTHER BUILDING THAT DOESN'T ACCEPT PETS. The manager for that building decided to give in to her request, so she was extremely lucky in that regard. Ever since that move, the behavior has been shocking.
Why let a puppy drink pop? Why let a dog lick your face after it has licked its genitals for over five minutes? What is the point of leaving someone a phone message to impersonate and bark as your DOG? Why bring your untrained dog into someone's newly carpeted and furnished home, when it could have stayed with a friend who was more than happy to take care of it? This woman's family even threw a 'puppy shower' for this dog. This same family has also admittedly given their pets BAPTISMS. WHY?! A dog cannot tell its own tail apart from another dog's, but apparently it can accept Jesus as its savior and promise to live its own little doggy life in accordance with Christ's. Smart dog, I tell ya.
All I can say up to this point is that if I decide to get a dog, it's name will be "DOG". It will eat the dog food that has been placed in its appropriate dish on the floor and nothing else. It will drink tap water from another dish on the floor. If I have a home at that point, it will sleep outside. Maybe in a dog house, maybe not. You don't see wild dogs living in little wooden homes out in the fields, do you? Who knows, maybe PETA will get on that and create a fundraiser for that purpose alone.
When my dog dies (and it will, people, dogs are not immortal!), there shall be no funeral. I'll use the $ I spent on dog food for the past 13 years or so and save it up to buy a didgeridoo or something.

But I'm not bitter, really!

Weirdness

2005-06-18T14:41:00.000-06:00

It may be the weather, it may be the season, but whatever is going on.... things are weird. It's incredibly warm and freaking humid outside and I hate it. My only wall that faces the outside world is practically a giant window, which in turn is acting like a giant solar panel every morning. My A/C is cranked down to what it says is 45 degrees but is actually at least 75. IT'S HOT! And to show just how weird things have become for me in the last few weeks, here's a recap-

- Bought the new backstreet boys cd, and have already listened to it in it's entirety. Back in the good ol' days of 1997-2000, my bedroom walls were plastered with their posters and magazine cut-outs and had almost every video they ever made and albums from australia and germany and japan.......but now I'm 23. What's going on? And I actually like the new CD! WHOA!

-Cab drivers have taken over my apartment building. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. LITERALLY. They sit, waiting to pounce on the valet guy once he blows his whistle across the street at the Hyatt. They congregate outside the entrance, they stare at everyone who passes. I can't wait until road construction is finished and they move back to their original place a block over.

-I got my dad's 401K check in the mail, amounting to a little under $600. He was alive for 46 years and had a total amount in a 401K of under $1600. Now I can never say that I didn't get anything out of the relationship, but an actual father-daughter relationship would have been nice.

-My friends who live a few blocks over have started to act and speak like puppies. More on that subject in a new post, which shall be entitled "the puppy peave".

-One of my dearest friends from high school was married a couple of weeks ago. this required travel to my hometown of madison. enough said.

Freaking hey, why is everything feeling so wierd?

Catching Up

2005-06-18T13:58:00.000-06:00

Wow, it's amazing how the time flies when you're on a break from everything. Job interview after job interview has occurred, but no success yet. I could feel last week that my mood was beginning to falter and perhaps that a little depression had set in. So I did nothing all last week, practically nothing. Granted, I did apply for a few more positions but decided that all of this searching was more draining than inspiring. Thank God for friends. He decided that my reward for calling up a friend to vent and cry had earned the priviledge to a pool party and a fabulous evening with a wonderful family. Then, ironically enough, during this pool party I met several people who offered to be a referral/reference and who would also refer my resume to several open positions in their department. I have a few more interviews this upcoming week and the next. The unemployment office recommended that I get internet access at home and to look at my current job search as an actual job, by putting in at least 30 hours a week for that purpose alone. So today internet access was hooked up and I'm now fully recharged and ready to apply. BRING IT ON!

Terry - Pt. 2

2005-05-26T17:55:00.000-06:00

Well, I told you this would finally be posted. And it only took several months. Argh, I need to get the internet set up on my computer, and quick!

R.I.P., Terry. May I one day be able to forget-

--Those who believed that the persons "for life" were comparable to the Taliban.
--Those who believed that placing suspicious packages outside courtrooms could influence a judicial decision (regardless of what it was).
--The Judges who repeatedly refused to re-insert Terry's tube, because it wasn't "constitutional"
--The liberal media who used their tarnished clout to contort the truth and then air their political stance to all their viewers.

Until then, all I remember the best are

--Those who rallied outside your room in favor to save your life.
--Those who were arrested for breaking the law in order to get you a simple glass of water.
--Your unbelievable family, who fought for your life every step of the way.
--The Bush family, who while recognizing the importance enacting in a 'constitutional' manner, realized that life should always get the benefit of the doubt.
--Those who prayed for your peace of mind, your strength and your RIGHT to life.

hey again

2005-05-26T17:48:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I know it's been a while since the last, but I've been busy with stuff. Really! It took me almost 10 minutes to wash my hair the other day. Crazy. Oh yeah, there was also the 'finding a job before my rent is due' bit. So what's going on with you? I'll try and find a topic before my time on here is up. Oops, too late!

By My Cousin

2005-04-16T14:28:00.000-06:00

This is a dictation of what my cousin is telling me to type. Just for the heck of it. Here we go, unedited and all -

I don't know what to say
That was a joke
stop typing that!

Ummm

this is boring

my brother's sweatshirt smells like dog pee

*ringing phone*

Hello?
Mrs. Rob? Who the heck is that?

Supercalifragalisticexpealidocious, even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious, if you sing it loud enough, you'll really sound petrocious, Supercalifragalisticexpealidocious!

Hmm, I wonder how many letters are in Supercalifragalisticexpealidocious. Is Supercalifragalisticexpealidocious the longest word in the world? Let's count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35!

WOW

I always thought it was 32.

See ya, Ellie

Favorite Movie Quotes

2005-04-10T21:58:00.000-06:00

Some of these are paraphrased, as I can't remember the wording exactly. And yes, this is all from my very own memory. Enjoy, and add your favorite movie quotes as well!

From: Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail -

"If I went 'round, saying some moistened bing had lobbed a simitar at me, they'd put me away!"

"You're King, eh? Well, I didn't vote for you!"

"There's some lovely filth down here!"

"Are you saying that coconuts migrate?!"

"Your mother was a hamster and your father, smelt of elderberries"

"Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"

"Run away, Run away!"

(Reading a carving on a wall)
"What do you mean, the Castle "AAAARGH"?
Well, he must have died while carving it."

"I'm not dead!......I'm getting better........I think I'll go for a walk........I feel happy, I feel happy!"

Why do witches burn?
Because they're made out of wood?
GOOD!
So how do we tell whether she is a witch?
Build a bridge out of her!

AAH, she turned me into a newt!.........I got better.

I blow my nose at you, sons of a silly person!

What is your favorite color?
Blue! NO! AHHHHH! (while being thrown into the gorge of eternal peril)

Brave Sir Robin ran away... Bravely ran away, away!
No! I didn't!

Greetings to you, Tim the Enchanter

GOD: What are you doing?
ARTHUR: We're averting our eyes, O Lord
GOD: Well don't! Oh it's like those miserable psalms, they're so depressing....now KNOCK IT OFF!

The Black Knight always triumphs!
Come back here, I'll bite your legs off!

Tis but a scratch!
A Scratch? Your arm's off!
I've had worse
You lie!
Come at me, you pansy!

We want...........A SHRUBBERY!

Then, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest WITH........A HERRING!!

Terry-Pt. 2 will soon be here

2005-04-09T14:20:00.000-06:00

I know that I've promised to talk more about Terry Schiavo, but as of now - time is of the essence and is concurrently running out! Only 9 more minutes on this library computer. However, I'm in the midst of writing "Terry Pt. 2" and will publish it by next week. It's an infuriating subject for me and much must come out in the open or my head will explode. Feel free to post any comments on that issue here if you wish, and Pt. 2 will be here relatively soon.
Thanks for reading!