Don't Knock it 'Til You've Tried It!

This is what my hometown does for fun every november during "Norsefest" - Race an outhouse on wheels through a chalk-drawn track. Notice the lovely hand-painted "Uff Da" on the side. Don't let the roll of toilet paper or the candy bar fall from the side poles, or more seconds will be added to your time! I tried this once, before it had wheels and needed to be carried by four people, 2 on each side. Those were the days of Old School Toilet Racing.
Mem'ries.......In the corner of my miiiiiiiind

Crazy Ideas to Pay for College

Argh. I need to pay for school in sixth months. How in the world am I going to do that?! I've jotted down several ideas and need your opinion on the best one to take.

- Llama farm
- Monkey Farm
- Breed a llama and a monkey together. Farm them. For what, I have no clue.
- Create a "Name Your Own Burger" restaurant. You don't eat the burger, just name it.
- Donate plasma. Eight times a week for three months.
- Bounce around the country on a pogo stick and pick up sponsorship along the way.
- Sell an arm. (note - can only be done twice)
- Sell a leg (see additional note above)
- Learn how to breed arms and legs so I can sell them.
- Learn how to play the piano with my butt, and make a mockery of myself on stage for money.
- Force Fabio out of the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" franchise.
- Audition for Saturday Night Live. Heck, I already know that I'm better than Jimmy Fallon.
- Start a fast-food franchise that sells only ice cream. Call it the "Lactose Regeime" or "Dairy Oligarchy".
- Oh yeah, there's always the taking out of yet another freaking loan. NOOOO!

Worst.Website Homepage.Ever

And it's my last name! I'm not related to these people...I don't think.

http://www.leohner.com

Workplace Commandments

Well, sadly to say, the following commandments are necessary at my workplace. Do these even need to be stated? You would think it would be common-sense knowledge, but NO.

- Thou shalt not hold conversations in the public restroom. Come on, people are trying to take care of their business and your talking with a co-worker about childbirth does not make them comfortable or help the "process".

- Thou shalt not congregate in large groups around a copy machine or printer. The same goes for exits to the elevator banks or stairwells.

- Thou shalt not listen to one song, 8 hours a day, every weekday with your computer speakers on. Buy some headphones!

- Keep your cell phone ringer on vibrate or silent. Please. Hearing the elephant waltz every time your spouse calls can be very irritating to others.

- Thou shalt not belch so the entire side of the floor can hear it.

- Thou shalt not return from the restroom and then inform your co-workers about the 'process' (mentioned earlier) you just endured.

- People with loud, constant, and annoying laughs with fast vibratos should not be employed in large companies.

- Thou shalt not call the support center for assistance because you forgot to turn on your computer screen.

- Thou shalt not eat fish or stinky vegetables in your cube. The 2.5 foam filled walls do not enclose the smell!

- Thou shalt not smoke half a pack of cigarettes and then immediately get in a packed elevator. P-U!

May Day? Come on!

So I'm walking in the skyways to get some lunch on Monday and decide to head to Chipotle. When I arrive, I see that the lights inside are dimmed and there is a sign on the door. The sign declares that the restraurant did not have enough employees to be open that day because of the immigration strike. So, while turning around and heading to another place, two other people approach the store. One of them says, "Oh, it looks like they are closed today...there's a sign on the door." The other said, "Oh! It's closed for May day!".

Umm.....yeah. That's it. All the Chipotle employees took the day off to hold long colored ribbons and dance around a tall pole.