New Address

Yes, I changed the address of my blog. Why, must you ask? Well, I didn't want my last name to be so visible. You know how privacy is such a big issue on the internet these days. Why the ridiculous name? Well, that was my nickname in high school, duh! And just so you know, my new-found desire for privacy has nothing to do with the next post I am going to write.

SO THERE! Deal with it.

Did You Play Sports?

One of the first questions I'm asked when someone meets me for the first time isn't about my job, where I live, or where I'm from. 90% of the time, the question revolves around my height.

Yes, I am a tall person. Five feet, eleven inches to be exact. When my height is stated, the next question is pretty much a given.

"Did you play sports in high school?"

I HATE that question so much. When I was walking through Wal-Mart at 16 years old, this old woman walked up to me, cane and all, and in her high-pitched wavery voice she said "Oh my, are you tall! I bet you play basketball, don't you?"

While sitting on a bus in the twin cities, some random guy came up to me and said, "Did you ever play volleyball for the Minnesota Gophers?".

Note to everyone - Not all tall people play sports or have played sports!!! I wouldn't go up to a short person and say, "Oh my! You are practically a midget! When you were a kid, were you able to fit in a bread box? When you were a baby, did your parents use a shoebox for your crib and poke holes in the top so you could get air to breathe?"

I'm so sick of being asked this question. I have to say "No, I didn't play sports". Which always provokes either a look of disgust or disappointment in the person who asked that dumb question in the first place. Sorry to let you down, people. Not everyone fits into a perfect little stereotype. Not all tall people love sports, not all short people use a phonebook to be able to reach the floor, not all italians love pizza, and not all greeks are big and fat.

I want to crawl into a breadbox now.

Homework Break!

I'm using this break from my homework to inform you all of a very strange series of dreams that I had two nights ago. I'm wondering if I'm slowly going insane and would appreciate any kind of interpretation you can provide.

Dream 1. I'm some kind of assistant to a play that Kevin Spacey is acting in. That's all I can really tell you about that dream.

Dream 2. I'm living on a large farm in southwestern minnesota with a good friend of mine. However, the farm in the dream doesn't resemble at all what the actual farm looks like. A group of strangers walk up the gravel driveway and say they are lost and their car has died. My friend and I find the car and recharge the battery. Then I burn the strangers a bunch of mixed cd's of music that I like. I hand them the cd's as they are about to depart. One of them is so happy that he begins to cry. He says "You guys are so nice, thanks a bunch!". The group of strangers leave and I decide to jump in my car and race them. However, they get too far ahead of me and I end up getting lost. I even have a map but cannot find my hometown and end up travelling to tiny towns and lakes I've never heard of.

Dream 3. Back at the farm again. However this time I'm a lion (you read that correctly) and am eating deer. The deer are deep-fried and smell like fried chicken. I've eaten hundreds of these deer and their carcasses are spread out every several feet over the farmland. I stop eating and decide to run and race a rabbit and tortoise. They get too far ahead of me and I decide to stop.

No more pizza before bedtime!

New Job, New Life

I got a new job on thursday.

Not just any job, but a freakin' AWESOME job. The kind of job that you accept and just can't wait to start. The kind of job that is the beginning of a lifetime career choice.
I've had previous jobs that I've accepted where I've known that the job would not exactly be "fun". Now, not every job is "fun". But I want to have fun with my job! I want to enjoy my job. I want to wake up every morning and be excited to start work.

This is the kind of job where that WILL happen. I know it. The kind of job which required me to buy a new wardrobe yesterday and spend hundreds of dollars and I didn't mind one bit.

I don't ever want to be in the situation where I accept a job that is more of a disappointment than anything else. No more phone calls from temp agencies that offer work like "box packing, receptionist, or data entry".

This is so incredibly exciting I can hardly stand it. You are reading the words of the newly hired nursing home activities assistant!

New Ministry

For the past couple of weeks, an idea for a new ministry in my hometown was brought to my mind. I say "brought" because it actually was given to me. God "Brought It". I "Got Served" by God. God is "All that and a bag of chips (or is it slice of manna?)". Ok, I'll stop now. I truly believe that with enough support from others in my hometown that this idea would be a tremendous success. Persons who I believe could be instrumental in assisting me with this ministry idea have been e-mailed. Weeks ago. Still no answer.

Now I believe that this concept being brought to small town has some risks. Residents of Madison hardly like to try a new brand of coffee, let alone participate in something new. And ESPECIALLY not something that's blatantly spiritual. But this is sickening. I have the feeling that I'm going to have to turn into the annoying lady on the phone who calls 5 times a day just to see if anyone "Got my message". Either that or submit my idea in person.

I had a vision last night that I was presenting this ministry idea to my church. Half of the congregants were for it. Unfortunately that was the half who were silent. Those completely opposed to the idea had every thought brought out into the open, every fear imagined, every risk created, every excuse aired for why this MAY not be successful. I pleaded my case and came off as sounding very "holier than thou" (Which in a church is not appropriate. There is only ONE and He is "holier than all".) and condescending. I truly do not want that to happen. I want people to embrace this ministry idea. I want this to start - SOON! I want all churches in my hometown to come together and not label this idea as a "Lutheran", "Catholic" or "Baptist" idea. And I certainly don't want my own demonination to come into play as well.

Last night I read a chapter of the great book by John Ortberg, "If You Want to Walk On Water, You Have to Get Out of the Boat" (thanks, Sue). If you can read the first chapter alone and not be inspired in some way, then I don't know what to even say to you. It gave me great confidence and wonderful ideas to consider while I'm in the midst of trying to create something new for a community who (I believe) desperately needs it.

Really, I don't want to turn into Christian Van Daame and come off as forceful in this situation. But what do I have to do to get a response back from someone?

Dude

I don't know why, so please don't ask me. I love this guy -

Again, I don't really know why. He's a liberal. In fact, one of his best friends is Bill Clinton. He smokes unapologetically and tells people to stop 'nagging' him to quit. He is 23 years my senior. I normally don't care for the subject material in his movies.

BUT...In every single one of his films, he is just fascinating to watch! And if you've ever seen him on Saturday Night Live or ppearances on talk shows and other television interviews..he is so frickin' funny and charming. AND...he can sing. VERY well. In fact, I have two songs of him singing Bobby Darin on my Ipod. I could watch his impressions of other famous actors for hours. In fact, here's a direct link to it. YOU'D BETTER WATCH IT.

So please don't ask me why I love him. To be incredibly corny: the heart wants what it wants. That's all there is to it.

Get. To. The. Point.

I have an official complaint against people who talk too much. Just get to the point! I have a relative who will just not. stop. talking. I can sit in the car with her, ask one question, and she will answer that question, morph the conversation into something about her and then go on about everything from cloud shapes to bad drivers to basil growing in her mother's garden.

Is it so awful to just sit in a car, listen to the radio and just take in the scenery? Even if the scenery is just cows and grass, it doesn't make much difference to me. Just please be quiet.

Also, you don't have to repeat something three times in a row for me to understand the words that are coming from your mouth. Hand movements and banging on the table when you stress certain words is incredibly irritating, too. I get it! Can I just experience some drama when I'm only watching a movie?

If I could provide an example of this person's speech pattern:

Me: So how was your day today?

Anonymous person (speaking very quickly, bug-eyed, waving her arms in the air, and banging her hands on the table with every stressed word): OH. MY. GOD. It was so busy! You know how hot it was today? It was 99 degrees outside. 99 degrees! And I'm standing there...(pause)...working in the kitchen, air-conditioners blasting.. and it's ONE-HUNDRED AND THIRTY DEGREES INSIDE. I'm not kidding. ONE-HUNDRED AND THIRTY DEGREES. I'm working in the kitchen and sweat is LITERALLY dripping down from my forehead. My clothes are soaked in sweat because it's ONE-HUNDRED AND THIRTY DEGREES in the kitchen, and the air-conditioner is BLASTING! I tell you, I had heat stroke. I walked into the freezer just for an excuse to cool off. I said, "I'm going to clean out the freezer!" and I walked inside...(long pause)...and steam is LITERALLY coming off of my body because of how much I was sweating. I tell you, I LITERALLY had to have had heat stroke. I was sweating so much! One of the managers walked up to me today and told me he'd never seen so many sauces for food in all his life. How many kinds of sauce do they have? I've got ranch, I've got cajun ranch, I've got honey, I've got honey mustard, I've got Barbeque, I've got Honey Barbeque, THEY HAVE TWO KINDS OF BARBEQUE SAUCE! I've got EVERY. KIND. OF SAUCE. YOU. CAN THINK. OF! I've never seen anything like it! Never! Never seen anything like it! Never! So then...(talks for another 10 minutes straight about something I can't remember anyways)"

After she finished rambling, she said "Well, I've gone on forever, how was your work?"

Me: Fine.

She is the only person who can turn me off of talking in an instant. Now imagine having to converse with and listen to the above pattern of speech regarding every subject imaginable for the last 25 years.

More Pics

My Grandma's Garden

My Interview With...

I need some ideas. A while back, I posted "My Interview With a Celebrity". It was so much fun to write and people seemed to like it. I need more interview ideas! Use current events, specific celebrity names, general people groups, political candidates - anything! As a serious sarcastic-mime-rip off-journalist with no credentials or reason to be taken seriously, my inbox of ideas currently sits empty.

Current thoughts - My Interview With...

A Republican

A Democrat

A College Frat Boy

Another Celebrity (on the topic of?)

Any Halloween/Storybook character

A Drunk

A Morning Person (could never understand them)

Your thoughts? Here's the afformentioned post discussed above:

My Interview with a Hollywood Celebrity