R.I.P. Grandpa

Early this morning, my grandpa died.

This hurts. However, the circumstances behind the hurt are unusual. When I was too young to remember, my parents decided to divorce after several years of marriage. Do I believe that they should have divorced? Heck yes. While I don't condone divorce and wish the term never existed (along with marriages that begin for poor reasons), there are times when it should absolutely be allowed. But it still doesn't mask the pain of losing an immediate family member. After all, if my grandpa had never existed, neither would have my father and, in turn, my sister and I.

Divorce carries with it many myths, one of them being the following:

Myth #1 - Divorce only affects the former husband and wife.

ABSOLUTELY WRONG, especially if children are involved. And it is in that case which I have struggled for a long time. I do sincerely believe that my parent's divorce was a necessity. However, their following actions were not. I wouldn't have cared that they hated each other so much if it weren't for the fact that their despisement of each other resulted in two children never getting to know their biological father. This was not the fault of one parent, but of both.

On tuesday, I will have attended three funerals on my dad's side of the family. For the preceeding two, my mourning for the loss of my family members was overwhelmed by not a mourning of death, but the mourning of a life that I had never really known and never will. Sure, my dad's family (who I only reconnected with after his own funeral) can tell me stories about how my grandparents and my dad were, how they loved me and how they wish they could have seen me grow up and then attend my upcoming wedding. But stories and "what if's" are a poor and incomparable substitute for a genuine relationship.

This coming July I will make a vow to share the remainder of my life with and marry the man of my dreams. And when the words, "for better or worse" are spoken, they will be MEANT and (with God's help alone) acted upon. For my sake, my fiance's sake and for our future children's sake.

This funeral on Tuesday will be the absolute last time I mourn out of guilt for a life never known, and not for a person's precious life.

The Definition of Terrorism

Chris Matthews recently interviewed someone for their opinion on the new nominee for Secretary of Health and Human Services and asked if this nominee could withstand the "terrorism of the anti-abortion activitists". He later then restated his thought by saying, "verbal terrorism". If you click on the title of this post you can see video of his Freudian slip.

When President Bush was in office it was at one point determined that "Weapons of Mass Destruction" was the most overused phrase of the year. See, when people overuse words it strips away its meaning. Democrats have now claimed the word "terrorism" as their own and completely void its meaning by using it to describe anyone who disagrees with their viewpoint.

When 9/11 happened we rarely heard the word "terrorism". I especially didn't think it would ever become currently applicable to our country and that because of terrorism we would eventually see color-coded security risks on television and in airports everywhere. Suddenly, news anchors were talking about the probability of success in hiding explosives in candy. Yes, we (and when I say, "we", I mean the collective news "reporters" on popular news stations) did go overboard and because of that there was a sustained period of time when everyone took the word "terrorism" too seriously. U.S. citizens believed that their lives were in constant risk of being taken by the terrorist who supposedly lives down the street or in the same apartment complex you do.

But 9/11 happened eight years ago. Now the word "terrorism" is a Democratic synonym for "intolerance". If you believe that marriage should be only between one man and one woman, that unborn babies should have a chance for life outside of the womb and that conservative values do not translate into being "old-fashioned" but rather as totally relevant to today's culture, then you are deemed a "terrorist".

Never mind the actual terrorists who we are currently fighting and seeking out to destroy us. Never mind the persons behind the three airplanes that were taken hostage and crashed into two national landmarks and a field in Pennsylvania. Never mind those who cheered and danced in the streets when over 4,000 people died in the 9/11 attacks. And never mind the people who routinely videotape themselves threatening the United States and desire a complete massacre of the entire Western civilization. Those people don't matter. To the Democrats, the people who actually desire a chance to save unborn lives are actual terrorists.

The likes of Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, Katie Couric, Barbara Walters and all other liberal "journalists" need a new dictionary and thesaurus.

Democracy at it's Worst

I did not vote for Obama. In fact, when I heard that Obama was a possible contender for the Presidential office, I rolled my eyes and knew that I was NEVER going to vote for him. When celebrities and the general news media compared him to Superman and said that on the day of his inauguration that his approval rating was at 68%, my eyes rolled again.

Now my saying that I did not vote for him does not mean that I don't mean him well. God Bless the guy and his family and the future decsions he will make for this country. I cried at the inauguration, in fact. How could anyone watch it and not? It was absolutely historic in more ways than one. When the people sitting behind me were saying things like, "I wish someone could shoot him right now" and "Now more babies will die", I shot them a look that could have killed. And rationally, how can you criticize a President for decisions he has not made yet?

Well, Obama is now our President. And he has been in office for not even one week and I am already furious at the decisions he has made. Yesterday, he reversed a policy set into law by President Bush. Big deal,right? A liberal might say, "You disagree because you believe in the conservative movement and nothing else!". Well guess what? Anyone who believes in the right to life, life at conception and that the United States should be sovreign should be furious at what Obama did on Friday.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/01/23/obama.abortion/index.html?section=cnn_latest

Obama has basically signed away taxpayer dollars to fund international causes that have NOTHING to do with the United States. Are you mad now? Guess what the "international cause" was? Abortion! Obama says that American taxpayers will now be funding abortions made in other countries! How can anyone look at this and agree with it? I want to hear a liberal's reasoning on this right now! UGH!

A quote by Obama:

"It is time we end the politicization of this issue," Obama said. "In the coming weeks, my administration will initiate a fresh conversation on family planning, working to find areas of common ground to best meet the needs of women and families at home and around the world."

What kind of "Conversation" did you initiate, Obama, and how did you strike common ground with ANYONE, especially inside the United States? In the last week I have cried twice because of Obama. The first time it was at his inauguration. The second because of this last policy reversal.

Don't believe it when people say that your vote doesn't make a difference. Because of other voter's choices, the money I have earned and will earn in the next 4 years (at least) will now enable some woman in another country to kill her unborn child.

Is this an example of democracy at it's best?

Things I Love

1. Being greeted by a very happy and hyper dog when I get home from work
2. Someone saying "Job well done"
3. Peace and quiet
4. True Friends
5. Being humbled by everything God has done, and His reasons for it!
6. Holding conversations with people over 100 years old
7. My fiance'
8. My family
9. Having the winter off from mowing the lawn
10. A car that starts and runs well
11. Good health
12. Seeing someone smile because of something I did
13. People who are genuine in their caring for others
14. Mourning - it means that I have cared for someone
15. Realizing that someone who has passed is in a better place for all eternity
16. Sitting in a warm bed and reading a good book
17. Seeing an "A" on a report card!
18. Learning something new and incredible
19. Cinnamon-flavored gummy bears!
20. Making lists that make me happy. :)

Grow Up

You know what? You aren’t funny. You may think that your snide comments just roll off my back but they don’t. I expected you to be happy for me, but it’s obviously clear that you aren’t whatsoever. You are making this situation about YOU and frankly, it’s beyond irritating and insulting.

I have found someone who completes me, loves me for who I am and wants to spend the rest of my life with me and I want to do the same for him. You may want the best for me (and that is wonderful) but your way of showing it through sarcasm has to stop. Go ahead and call me sensitive…this is a sensitive subject which I believe deserves your full support. It’s just common sense.

You have raised me to become someone who is capable of making their own decisions but yet your lack of trust in my doing so is an insult. Am I only supposed to make decisions which work to YOUR benefit? If that were the case, then I wouldn’t be ME.

Yes, I realize that my decision to marry a wonderful, caring, sweet, intelligent and supportive man was abrupt, but it was not without “warning” or premonition. You have raised your concerns…none of which are valid. You have no concept or getting to know someone who is vastly different from you without judging him and assigning him a stereotype that is completely inaccurate. But that is no concern to you. You prefer stereotypes over personal knowledge.

You say you want to learn more about him. By all means, then do that! You do not need my permission! You talk to him as though everything is perfect and then when it’s just the two of us you feel the need to express your “opinion”, which is nothing more than some rude comment you must have thought of during the previous night. I hope that your saying that made you feel proud.

Let me make my own decisions without constantly being fed guilt and doubts about this upcoming marriage’s success. This marriage is going to carry with it many changes for the both of us and the remainder of the family. I’m well aware of that and it certainly hasn’t made my decision any easier. It just means that change is coming. You have to prepare and adjust for that, just as I will.

If you have concerns, voice them without inserting vague forecasts which you couldn’t possible predict. You are not a fortune-teller, you are a parent. And as such, you have to think before you speak. This is not comedy central, this is real life.

And at the risk of sounding like a parent, I have one piece of advice for you – GROW UP!

No Clue What To Do

I have no clue what to do with the next couple years and it's driving me absolutely nuts.
Do I stay at my current place of employment as long as possible?
Do I switch schools in order to get a bachelor's degree sooner but pay more in order to do so? Should I attend that school online or in the evenings or weekends? Do I want to put in all those miles or move to that town (an hour away) to do so? Or do I just wait once I get my associate's degree and save up more $ to pay off my current loans and then get back into school?
WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!
I so enjoyed being a kid and not having to worry about these things.

The Motherload

I have found the motherload of all genealogy websites regarding my family and am now going to work on the biggest project of my life - organizing it all! EEK! I've found family photographs, obituaries, wedding announcements and even a full family tree on my dad's side! WONDERFUL! It's scrapbooking time!

Precious Life

I work in a nursing home. And lately I have become more aware of how precious life is in general. Since I have started working in my current profession, it is almost impossible to not connect with residents and almost equally impossible to not feel loss when the resident(s) pass away. It is a rewarding job, yet challenging when these losses occur.

An example in point:

I befriended a resident named “Lucy” almost immediately when I began my work in the activities department. When she was alert, she was a sheer joy to be around. She had THE BEST sense of humor. She would sing when asked to, make jokes and laugh constantly. When she smiled, you just couldn’t help but smile back. One of her favorite things to hold and play with was a rubber chicken. She would hold and squeeze it and make chicken sounds when the nurses passed by.

Several months ago, I was informed that Lucy would be admitted to the hospice program. It was estimated that she had only less than six months left of her precious life to live. At first, I couldn’t understand why she was admitted, she seemed no different than before. It wasn’t long after that thought that I saw Lucy cry more often, even at the simplest question. It took much encouragement to make the tears stop and she needed more physical contact than ever before. I would hold her hand and tell her that everything was fine, when both she and I knew that it wasn’t.

Two weeks ago I saw the most immediate decline in physical ability that I have ever seen. She would not eat and rarely opened her eyes. She found no joy in the activities that previously brightened her day. It was two days before she passed that I went into her room to visit her. She could no longer even make a coherent sentence; she just babbled and stared at me, falling in and out of sleep. I could not even talk for fear of crying. For a half hour, I just rubbed her shoulder and stroked her hair, hoping that her pain would end soon. She stared at me with one eye the entire time.

Two days later while I was on my lunch break, Lucy passed. I walked by her room just as a nurse had gone in to check on her. She immediately came out and asked for another nurse to help with cleaning Lucy up and getting her ready for the mortician to arrive. I asked if I could take some time to say “Goodbye” to Lucy and the nurses graciously allowed me to do so.
I kept thinking, “I was just sitting here enjoying my lunch and a great book and someone just left this earth to be with the creator!”. How does this work? How am I unable to feel something when a person leaves this earth when they are in a room less than 500 feet away from me?

But I am certain of a few things.
1. Life is precious beyond belief and beyond my understanding.
2. You must show love to your friends and family before it is too late.
3. Be thankful for your life in the past and especially the life you have NOW.

I hope that you all learn this before it is too late.

God bless everyone and EVERY LIFE on this planet!

All The Proof You Need

Look at these pictures and tell me that there isn't an intelligent designer!

You Are Not Cool

Ok, car....

What's wrong? Something got you down? Have I not been paying much attention to you lately? Yeah, I know that I've been more lenient to drive you since gas prices have soared, but I really can't help it. But yesterday you did something that was NOT COOL. Not cool at all.

I've given you loads of patience, tons of maintenance and lots of TLC. As I figure it, you owe me. I've paid for you, pampered you, HECK I even bought some lovely air freshener and new floor mats on the day you came home with me. I've waxed you, given you wonderful car washes, installed a new air conditioner and radiator. When you have a boo-boo I take you to another town 10 miles away so you can get the best possible service.

I've even named you. And I think that Ethel is a lovely name for you. It fits your purplish-grey personality so well!

And then yesterday you flash that horrible light that I so despise seeing.

"Service Engine Soon". You don't even go into specifics. It would be so much more helpful if you could share a little more detail than that. I would hate to run through every possible scenario of hypothetically driving down I-94 and having the carbeurator pop through the hood of my car when instead you could just tell me that it just needs a little tweek. You are freaking me out!

Ethel, I am disappointed. We've been through so much together. I would hate to give you over to a cranky old dumpster owner and have you crushed into a 2-foot by 2-foot cube.

AND DON'T THINK I WON'T DO IT!

I thought you loved me, Ethel. You shall now face my wrath.

But please, could you turn off the engine light?