Wow

Well, today I did a search for books on Missionaries and picked up "Under the Overpass" and "On Being a Missionary". The latter book is supposed to have insights from 100 current and past missionaries. I've also requested information from World Venture. Also this week, I'll be going to the bank to set up a special savings account to use as funds for future missionary costs. This could hopefully be the start of something great!

Homeless

As I've been thinking recently about what I want to do with my life, one idea has been milling around lately. Missionary work. It wouldn't have to be out of the country, state, or even the city. I've always wanted to help people and enjoy it so much when the opportunity arises. In fact, I had a social work major for a short amount of time.
So here's something that's on my "take a step into reaching a major goal" list. Spend at least one weekend a year as a homeless person. No money, ID, or even gum; just the clothes on my back. Mike Yankoski wrote a book on his experience, but he didn't just do it for a weekend, he did it for five months and travelled across the country, from D.C. to San Fransisco. His book is titled "Under the Overpass". He had a good friend travel along with him during the entire experience, which is something I would want as well.
How can I become sympathetic to the homeless crisis, or even poverty in other countries if I never experience it on such a level?
What do you think?

Maid in Manhattan (With a Vengeance)

I don't know if once of my last posts had anything to do with it or not, but I had one of the strangest dreams ever on tuesday night.

Jennifer Lopez, aka "J.Lo" was in Minneapolis and the city threw a huge parade for her. Now I'm not a fan of hers, so having her in one of my dreams was especially odd. Anyway, back to the dream. I'm standing outside in the freezing cold watching this parade happen when the float she's standing on stops in front of me. All of a sudden the mayor walks over to her and declares that its now question and answer time, so he hands the microphone to me and asks if I have a question for Mrs. Lopez. So I come up with the first thing that pops in my head.

"Mrs. Lopez, will you ever stop using fur in your clothing designs?"

J.Lo's expression changes from thrilled to furious in a split second. She jumps off the float, runs over to me and screams, "Don't ever ask me that $*#@ question! I'm going to kill you!" She then smiles, turns around and gets back on the float. The parade then resumes....and I wake up.

freaky

Poe Wouldn't Write Like Shel Silverstein

Yeah, I know that my last post was pretty depressing, but I'm currently in a depressed mood. What would you expect? Sometimes I use this blog as an excuse to vent, so as to not bring up my issues to other relatives or friends. Some family and friends, who, ironically read this blog. Oh well.

Today was not a good day. Granted, I had enough work that would last me through the day, and that is always a plus, but for some reason I was so incredibly moody. Once in a while I'll get these mood swings. The sour end of the swing feels like an internal catfight.

Why the swing? Well, some of it must be hormonal. Sometimes I wonder why people were given these chemical balances and imbalances and specific glands which create hormones and why women seem to express the effects of these hormones more vocally and physically than men. If a man were to suddenly switch from having a nice, calm demeanor while dining at a restaurant to someone who instantly cries when the server says, "Sorry, we're out of vanilla ice cream", most would assume that this man has severe emotional problems. But when a pregnant woman goes from being the social light of a party to locking herself in a dark bedroom 15 minutes later crying, "I just want to be alone", nothing much is considered, except for those pesky hormones.

What would be another reason for today's swing? Minor irritations at work have ballooned into major annoyances, and today the balloon popped.

And another reason? I've realized more often than not, I can easily figure out what I don't want to do in life as opposed to what I do want to achieve before this life escapes from my body. Not only that, but I cannot come up with a single immediate way to get out of this rut. Not even a 5-year plan comes to mind.

I'm 23. Not married or even in a relationship, and not wanting to ever be in that status at all. Period. Is that normal, even for me? Not sure. Wanting to desperately go back to school, but not having the financial means whatsoever, and not even having a parent with that convenience. And I used to think that music was my definite career path. Now I'm not so sure. Wanting so much to have a permanent job, but not knowing how and not even getting an interview for the jobs I've been the most excited about pursuing. During my high school reunion last July, a former classmate asked what I had been up to since we had last seen each other. When I stated my reply in the most positive manner I could give, he apologized and said, "Everyone gets in a rut sometimes." . Wow. I felt like a total failure.

So for now, here's my goal for the next year, 2006.
- Get $1,000 in a general savings account

- Keep active in church

- Get a permanent job

- Stay in current housing arrangement

- Keep chipping away at my $10,000 college debt, get it down to $9,000

- Start new college savings account, get at least $500 in there (that should cover books expenses for one semester)

- If I can afford it, get a used car

- Keep adding to the "What I Don't Want to Do With My Life" list

- Maybe (a big maybe) figure out what I want to do before I die

- Take one step (minor or major) into reaching a life goal

- Read. Anything. All the Time.

Man, it is, pathetically, so hard to even comprehend an end in sight.

Don't Ralph, Ok?

Yesterday, I had the chance to come across a program called "2005's Big Spenders". The premise of the show is basically self-explanatory - it focuses on the celebrities who spend the most money in one year, and what they've bought with that money. Don't throw up when I list the following -

Madonna spent $10,000 on diamond encrusted eyelashes
Jennifer Lopez - $10 million on two rings
Tom Cruise - $20,000 on a necklace for his current fiance'
T-Boz - $50,000 on a mini-house for her daughter
Posh Spice and David Beckham - $150,000 for a play house for their kids
Paris Hilton and her former B/F - $1 million to rent a yacht for a month off the coast of Greece
Usher - An $80,000 diamond self-portrait on a watch

Can you imagine how much assistance $10 million would provide to those who suffered from Hurricane Katrina and Rita? How about those in Uganda who will travel many miles in one day through enemy territory to get a scrap of wood in order to start a fire to warm up meat at home? Or those who were just hit from the earthquake in Pakistan? Or those who struggle with aids.....or.....basically ANY other cause besides the feeding of these person's self-indulgence?

Now I'm not saying that if I had some extra cash that I wouldn't splurge a little. However, I completely admire Rick Warren, author of "The Purpose-Driven Life". When the money rolled in, he didn't upgrade his lifestyle. He didn't move into a better home and didn't get a better car. In fact, he tithed in reverse. He lived off 10% of his income and gave away 90%. I understand that most of the world's population cannot live like that, but what a world it would be if we could! What a difference it would make if John Travolta sold his jet and gave the proceeds to cancer research. If Madonna sold her second home in Britain and donated to Hurricane Katrina relief efforts. In fact, if Madonna just took a second look at those eyelashes, said "pass", then gave that same amount of $ to a food shelter or the Salvation army.

I want to cry.