A church actually made these videos as a satirical look at Jesus and most importantly who He is NOT. These four videos will crack you up.
www.vintage21.com
>>Enter Site
>>Hover mouse over film projector at top of images and click
>>click videos
>>Page 2 (small blue number at top)
>>Enjoy
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Monday, November 07, 2005
Lies, Lies, Lies
Ok, this is just something I have to get off my chest.
I'm trying to figure out the turning point in which the news reports went from being honest to a constant spewing of blatant lies. I cannot believe or watch the news anymore without shaking my head in disbelief or disgust.
Last week on the local news station, I saw a dramatic slow-motion re-enactment of a dog being bitten by a coyote. WHO CARES? Does anyone report on the following?
We have a war in Iraq in which democrats once said was justified but is now called "unfounded" for some particular reasons. They had and still have the same information that comes across the president's desk, but disagree.
Joseph Wilson (who consistently donates to the the democratic party), Valerie Plame's husband, once made a statement to the CIA that Sadaam Hussein had contacted Niger for its interest in "yellow cake" a form of uranium that can be used in the production of nuclear weapons but then reniged that statement saying that Iraq had interests only in Nigers other products. And what would those other products be? Hmm......how about cowpeas, cotton, peanuts, millet, sorghum, cassava (tapioca), rice; cattle, sheep, goats, camels, donkeys, horses, and poultry. I can just picture Sadaam calling up the Nigerian government to negotiate the shipping rates on tapioca and rice for the annual Betty Crocker Cook-off. "We always lose to Niger, but not this time! Our tapioca pudding will have them in the palms of our hands! Death to the infidels!".
The war on Iraq, Hurricane relief efforts, the riots in France, the confirmation proceedings of Judge Alito,and Bird Flu should be the world's news priorities and MUST be reported in an unbiased fashion, but the differences in journalistic integrity from station to station are astounding. And what are some of the top stories for today alone?
Cheerleaders Had Sex in Bar, Witnesses Say
Aniston Happy to Talk About Her Dog
Not that you news stations would listen to me or even come across this blog, but just in case -
To those who report the news on a daily basis-
Please, please, pretty please. I know you get paid too much for any of you to actually care about what goes on in the world, but if you could remember a few things, it would make an absolute world of difference -
You are not an elected politician. Therefore, do not interject your own political beliefs and opinions into your stories. Your desk is not your soapbox, your job is to be a clean slate.
I'm trying to figure out the turning point in which the news reports went from being honest to a constant spewing of blatant lies. I cannot believe or watch the news anymore without shaking my head in disbelief or disgust.
Last week on the local news station, I saw a dramatic slow-motion re-enactment of a dog being bitten by a coyote. WHO CARES? Does anyone report on the following?
We have a war in Iraq in which democrats once said was justified but is now called "unfounded" for some particular reasons. They had and still have the same information that comes across the president's desk, but disagree.
Joseph Wilson (who consistently donates to the the democratic party), Valerie Plame's husband, once made a statement to the CIA that Sadaam Hussein had contacted Niger for its interest in "yellow cake" a form of uranium that can be used in the production of nuclear weapons but then reniged that statement saying that Iraq had interests only in Nigers other products. And what would those other products be? Hmm......how about cowpeas, cotton, peanuts, millet, sorghum, cassava (tapioca), rice; cattle, sheep, goats, camels, donkeys, horses, and poultry. I can just picture Sadaam calling up the Nigerian government to negotiate the shipping rates on tapioca and rice for the annual Betty Crocker Cook-off. "We always lose to Niger, but not this time! Our tapioca pudding will have them in the palms of our hands! Death to the infidels!".
The war on Iraq, Hurricane relief efforts, the riots in France, the confirmation proceedings of Judge Alito,and Bird Flu should be the world's news priorities and MUST be reported in an unbiased fashion, but the differences in journalistic integrity from station to station are astounding. And what are some of the top stories for today alone?
Cheerleaders Had Sex in Bar, Witnesses Say
Aniston Happy to Talk About Her Dog
Not that you news stations would listen to me or even come across this blog, but just in case -
To those who report the news on a daily basis-
Please, please, pretty please. I know you get paid too much for any of you to actually care about what goes on in the world, but if you could remember a few things, it would make an absolute world of difference -
You are not an elected politician. Therefore, do not interject your own political beliefs and opinions into your stories. Your desk is not your soapbox, your job is to be a clean slate.
If there's a natural disaster (i.e. hurricane) about to hit dry land, don't send a reporter to just stand outside to get beaten by the rain and forces to then proclaim "Wow, it's windy out here!" You don't say.
I do not want to see any of your side talents included in your reports. That means no singing Lisa Loeb.
If you book a conservative opinion for a story, get a liberal to counteract those opinions.
Stop interviewing celebrities. They are the absolute antithesis to anything moral or relevant to today's society. I do not need or want the political opinions of someone who makes more $ than the third world countries they beg us to support.
Is a John Williams symphony really necessary during the opening credits? No, so remove it!
When in doubt, shut up and read from the teleprompter!
UGH
Monday, October 24, 2005
Could It Be?
Could it be that some possible BIG changes are in store? Could I be willing to change from-
Pine Trees to Palm Trees?
The Swedish, Norweigan, German ancestry to Spanish?
Land of 10,000 lakes to Land of Governer Schwarzenegger?
"Minnesota Nice" to "Can I Give you a Reference to a Good Plastic Surgeon?"
Hennepin County to Orange County?
Missisippi River to Pacific Ocean?
Ice Fishing to Surfing?
Uff Da
This is going to take some major internal preparation.
Pine Trees to Palm Trees?
The Swedish, Norweigan, German ancestry to Spanish?
Land of 10,000 lakes to Land of Governer Schwarzenegger?
"Minnesota Nice" to "Can I Give you a Reference to a Good Plastic Surgeon?"
Hennepin County to Orange County?
Missisippi River to Pacific Ocean?
Ice Fishing to Surfing?
Uff Da
This is going to take some major internal preparation.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Ten Years
The "Sermonator" brought up a very interesting point in one of his lessons today. He stated that if ten years ago anyone could see their future as it is today that person would be very suprised to see the outcome. In some cases, NOTHING would have been as predicted! How true!
When I was 13 years old my plans by the time I would reach 23 were as follows -
- Join the air force.
- After leaving the air force, run for a people-elected government position or become a lawyer.
In just five years, shortly before graduating high school, oh how those plans changed! They now were -
- Attend and finish my first round of college to become a music education teacher.
- Possibly get a graduate degree at Purdue.
In 2 years, all of those had vanished with the wind. I've now become a temp worker, after trying to keep a long-term and successful career in a law firm which obviously didn't work. And in the past 5 years alone, including going back and forth from college, I've moved 13 TIMES. How in the world did this fit in with all my hopes and dreams? Well, it didn't at all!
But I've realized something very incredible. I'm in God's hands throughout all of this. All these changes could have happened as a matter of protection from who knows what. God's means are completely beyond my understanding, but that's OK! I realize that if my life had no purpose, it wouldn't be. Why would our God keep us alive, breath by breath if would all lead to a pointless existence? We all have a definite purpose but because it's future is unseen we tend to get frustrated and/or lose faith (something I've been guilty of recently).
When life seems uncertain, scary, and uncomprehensible, STOP. Take a breath. Pray and pray often. Since when has God ever worked according to our own timetable? If He did that, it would undermine His own power. Remember that we are each clay in his hands, literally formed from this very earth. That clay is constantly being formed to something workable in his plan.
We're just not there yet!
When I was 13 years old my plans by the time I would reach 23 were as follows -
- Join the air force.
- After leaving the air force, run for a people-elected government position or become a lawyer.
In just five years, shortly before graduating high school, oh how those plans changed! They now were -
- Attend and finish my first round of college to become a music education teacher.
- Possibly get a graduate degree at Purdue.
In 2 years, all of those had vanished with the wind. I've now become a temp worker, after trying to keep a long-term and successful career in a law firm which obviously didn't work. And in the past 5 years alone, including going back and forth from college, I've moved 13 TIMES. How in the world did this fit in with all my hopes and dreams? Well, it didn't at all!
But I've realized something very incredible. I'm in God's hands throughout all of this. All these changes could have happened as a matter of protection from who knows what. God's means are completely beyond my understanding, but that's OK! I realize that if my life had no purpose, it wouldn't be. Why would our God keep us alive, breath by breath if would all lead to a pointless existence? We all have a definite purpose but because it's future is unseen we tend to get frustrated and/or lose faith (something I've been guilty of recently).
When life seems uncertain, scary, and uncomprehensible, STOP. Take a breath. Pray and pray often. Since when has God ever worked according to our own timetable? If He did that, it would undermine His own power. Remember that we are each clay in his hands, literally formed from this very earth. That clay is constantly being formed to something workable in his plan.
We're just not there yet!
Monday, September 12, 2005
My Zoo Sucks, But I'm Still Charging Admission
Does anyone remember the film, "Jerry Maguire"? If so, you may recall the scene where Mr. Cruise (I know psychiatry!) is sitting on the couch, drunk, chatting with his soon-to-be wife's child, played by Jonathan Lipnicki. In the middle of this non-sensical conversation, the kid perks up and says "I wanna go to the zoo! Let's go to the zoo!". Whatever happened to that kid? I wanna know, because that kid needs a punch in the face. Wait, sorry there, hormones are acting crazy......the guy who wrote that line needs a punch in the face. I LOVE CHILDREN! So for now, Mr. Lipnicki, you are safe....until the day "Like Mike 2" comes to theaters.
Recently, I've been called a zoo-keeper. Why a zookeeper? Well, my apartment has turned into the perfect space to witness mice, bats and caterpillars in their "natural" environment. A couple of weeks ago as I'm walking to my apartment I notice something sticking to the hallway wall. What is it? A bat, and not a tiny one. I thought it would transform into Nosferatu at any given second. The next day it had disappeared.
Shortly after Nosferatu's unwelcomed visit, I noticed short little brown lines on my apartment walls and ceiling. Because my eyesight isn't that great and because my walls are pretty high, I had assumed that they were cracks beginning to develop. The next day about 10 more "cracks" arrived. It wasn't until I had stood on a chair and stretched as close as I could to see these cracks that I had realized the misconception. These were not cracks, but caterpillars. To this day I cannot find their entry point into the apartment. That was two weeks ago, and more and more of these creatures show up at a rate of 7 per day.
Then on the friday before labor day, I sat down at the computer to relax and enjoy the start of my three-day weekend when I heard the undeniable sound of scratching behind the oven and fridge. That means only one thing: MICE. I got up from my chair and reached for a flashlight to see one of the critters walk smack-dab onto a sticky trap and start to squeak. Only it's back side was stuck, so it tried to drag itself across my kitchen floor with its front, tiny paws. Finally after contorting its body into ungodly ways it gave up and rested by my oven, where it began to chew on the oven sides. "Please chew through a gas line and take this building up and away!", were my thoughts. So I stayed with relatives that weekend, hoping that it would die before I got home that next tuesday. Luckily it did.
Then on the following friday, I came back to the apartment to check things out. About 25 caterpillars on my walls? Check. The unmistakeable smell of rodents, possibly dead ones in the walls or my A/C vent? Check. I walked on the carpet and heard "EEEEEE!" What the heck!? Is there a mouse underneath the carpet and I just happen to be squishing the poor creature? No, I didn't see any tremors (or Kevin Bacon). Walked a few more steps in another direction - "EEEEE!". $%%#!@)#)!)%$%%#!@)#)!)% Then some plastic bags on the floor by my countertop started to rustle. I'm beginning the think that the ghost of "Little Mousie Chews My Oven" has taken over the place.
In the meantime, I'm staying with relatives until moving day this saturday (CAN'T WAIT! AAAAH!). Got home today to see that the caterpillars are still coming, and finding solace in making little cocoons in my bedspread. That would have been nice to know before I took a quick nap in there yesterday. FRICKING DEMON MOUSE CATERPILLER NOSFERATU BUILDING!
The managers are going to start showing my apartment to potential residents soon. I'm hoping that when they enter the room that a giant winged bat-rat with red eyes, its mouth full of caterpillars lunges at them. That or maybe I'll borrow the neighbor's cat (the building is a no-pets building) to crap on the floor. Any suggestions?
Recently, I've been called a zoo-keeper. Why a zookeeper? Well, my apartment has turned into the perfect space to witness mice, bats and caterpillars in their "natural" environment. A couple of weeks ago as I'm walking to my apartment I notice something sticking to the hallway wall. What is it? A bat, and not a tiny one. I thought it would transform into Nosferatu at any given second. The next day it had disappeared.
Shortly after Nosferatu's unwelcomed visit, I noticed short little brown lines on my apartment walls and ceiling. Because my eyesight isn't that great and because my walls are pretty high, I had assumed that they were cracks beginning to develop. The next day about 10 more "cracks" arrived. It wasn't until I had stood on a chair and stretched as close as I could to see these cracks that I had realized the misconception. These were not cracks, but caterpillars. To this day I cannot find their entry point into the apartment. That was two weeks ago, and more and more of these creatures show up at a rate of 7 per day.
Then on the friday before labor day, I sat down at the computer to relax and enjoy the start of my three-day weekend when I heard the undeniable sound of scratching behind the oven and fridge. That means only one thing: MICE. I got up from my chair and reached for a flashlight to see one of the critters walk smack-dab onto a sticky trap and start to squeak. Only it's back side was stuck, so it tried to drag itself across my kitchen floor with its front, tiny paws. Finally after contorting its body into ungodly ways it gave up and rested by my oven, where it began to chew on the oven sides. "Please chew through a gas line and take this building up and away!", were my thoughts. So I stayed with relatives that weekend, hoping that it would die before I got home that next tuesday. Luckily it did.
Then on the following friday, I came back to the apartment to check things out. About 25 caterpillars on my walls? Check. The unmistakeable smell of rodents, possibly dead ones in the walls or my A/C vent? Check. I walked on the carpet and heard "EEEEEE!" What the heck!? Is there a mouse underneath the carpet and I just happen to be squishing the poor creature? No, I didn't see any tremors (or Kevin Bacon). Walked a few more steps in another direction - "EEEEE!". $%%#!@)#)!)%$%%#!@)#)!)% Then some plastic bags on the floor by my countertop started to rustle. I'm beginning the think that the ghost of "Little Mousie Chews My Oven" has taken over the place.
In the meantime, I'm staying with relatives until moving day this saturday (CAN'T WAIT! AAAAH!). Got home today to see that the caterpillars are still coming, and finding solace in making little cocoons in my bedspread. That would have been nice to know before I took a quick nap in there yesterday. FRICKING DEMON MOUSE CATERPILLER NOSFERATU BUILDING!
The managers are going to start showing my apartment to potential residents soon. I'm hoping that when they enter the room that a giant winged bat-rat with red eyes, its mouth full of caterpillars lunges at them. That or maybe I'll borrow the neighbor's cat (the building is a no-pets building) to crap on the floor. Any suggestions?
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
City Perks
Living in a rather large city definitely has its benefits. Lots of shopping, restaurants, entertainment, colleges, sports teams and places to work. Some of the non-permanent benefits include the occasional concert, traveling plays and musicals, prominent speakers, and presidential visits (especially during election years). And once in a rare while, big-name celebrities will come here to work on films. Most recently Lindsay Lohan, Kevin Kline, Meryl Streep, Lily Tomlin and Woody Harrelson spent several weeks in St. Paul for a feature film on Garrison Keillor. This past winter Mr. Harrelson, Sissy Spacek and Charlize Theron spent about the same amount of time on a film in Northern MN. Today was my first witness of a celebrity in downtown Minneapolis. And might I say that if all the following encounters are like this one, I'll take a definite pass on rubbing elbows with any of them again.
When getting ready to head out the door for work every weekday, I happen to listen to a local popular radio station that has a hilarious morning show. Yes, sometimes it can be a little crude, but most of it is in good taste. Their annual april fool's day pranks on listeners are enough to get you hooked. Today I was about to head out the door when one of the radio personalities announced that they were about to give out 3rd row tickets to a big-name concert this weekend. The only way someone could win them today was if their intern, Crisco, happened to talk with you and proposition you to do something in return for the tickets.
Well, today happened to be the day when Crisco was walking downtown, about 4 blocks from my apartment building. What was his offered proposition to any taker? In order to get these tickets, you had to pee yourself. See, apparently in some southern state very recently, this electronics store had a tremendous sale of 4-year old MAC laptops for $50. Obviously a stampede ensued so one woman had a brilliant idea that she could save her spot in line if she wet herself. So why wouldn't this twin cities station think it was a fabulous idea?
NO, I DID NOT PEE MYSELF. Get that horrible thought out of your head. I had enough time today to hear Crisco get refused flat-out by one woman and then set on my path to work. Wouldn't you know it, about 2 blocks from the building I look ahead and see Mr. Crisco on a cell phone (his communication with the station personalities) and two women standing to his side. These women looked extremely professional, clean-cut, but very young. So because of the latter fact, why wouldn't they agree to peeing in front of a perfect stranger? I heard enough of their conversation on the walk past that it made my skin crawl. "Oh, they way we would do it would be clean, it wouldn't take much time at all!". BLECH.
Oh the things people will do nowadays.
When getting ready to head out the door for work every weekday, I happen to listen to a local popular radio station that has a hilarious morning show. Yes, sometimes it can be a little crude, but most of it is in good taste. Their annual april fool's day pranks on listeners are enough to get you hooked. Today I was about to head out the door when one of the radio personalities announced that they were about to give out 3rd row tickets to a big-name concert this weekend. The only way someone could win them today was if their intern, Crisco, happened to talk with you and proposition you to do something in return for the tickets.
Well, today happened to be the day when Crisco was walking downtown, about 4 blocks from my apartment building. What was his offered proposition to any taker? In order to get these tickets, you had to pee yourself. See, apparently in some southern state very recently, this electronics store had a tremendous sale of 4-year old MAC laptops for $50. Obviously a stampede ensued so one woman had a brilliant idea that she could save her spot in line if she wet herself. So why wouldn't this twin cities station think it was a fabulous idea?
NO, I DID NOT PEE MYSELF. Get that horrible thought out of your head. I had enough time today to hear Crisco get refused flat-out by one woman and then set on my path to work. Wouldn't you know it, about 2 blocks from the building I look ahead and see Mr. Crisco on a cell phone (his communication with the station personalities) and two women standing to his side. These women looked extremely professional, clean-cut, but very young. So because of the latter fact, why wouldn't they agree to peeing in front of a perfect stranger? I heard enough of their conversation on the walk past that it made my skin crawl. "Oh, they way we would do it would be clean, it wouldn't take much time at all!". BLECH.
Oh the things people will do nowadays.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Remind Me Again...
..As to why I hate dating. Based on my current preferences, here's what I must do in order to meet my 'soul mate' (as if there ever were such a thing). Might I mention that this is BULLCRAP!
Your probability coefficient: 4.52578700220433E-10.
You have to meet 2,209,560,458 American single males who are between 21 and 33 years old.
They also have to meet these religious requirement(s):
- Protestant
- Other Christian
Note: We only have religion statistics for ALL American singles. Therefore, your religion probability was excluded.
You might have to move.
HMM, yeah I think I may have to move if it is necessary to meet a quarter of the world's population before I die.
Your probability coefficient: 4.52578700220433E-10.
You have to meet 2,209,560,458 American single males who are between 21 and 33 years old.
They also have to meet these religious requirement(s):
- Protestant
- Other Christian
Note: We only have religion statistics for ALL American singles. Therefore, your religion probability was excluded.
You might have to move.
HMM, yeah I think I may have to move if it is necessary to meet a quarter of the world's population before I die.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
My Soldier
Hey guys, if you have the time but don't know how to help out soldiers overseas, here's an idea. All you have to do is WRITE A LETTER. Sign up at the link below and you will be assigned your very own soldier. All the soldiers appreciate these letters so much. I've just finished my very first letter and will put it in the mail tomorrow. And don't worry, this is NOT a scam. It is 100% completely FREE, but they do suggest a $10 donation, which is not required to sign up. A donation envelope comes with your sign-up letter, "My Soldier" bracelet, and soldier contact information. This is a great and very cheap idea for church groups or elementary schools. All the information you need is at -
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