"El Autobus" - Act One, Scene 3

"Oh Crap!"

About 20 or so cars in two lanes of traffic wait at the 394 entrance lights, unknowingly sitting oh so patiently while the 20-ton monster approaches from behind.

Ms. Smith clasps onto the handrail next to her and closes her eyes, turning into an standing ostrich with it's head planted in the ground. "If I can't see what's going to happen, then it won't happen, right? RIGHT?!"

"HEY! You should probably put all the stuff that's liable to fly underneath your seat or something, this doesn't look good.", warns Ms. Smith's companion.

Ms. Smith, with her eyes still slammed shut says, "Is this really happening? Is everyone else completely oblivious to this?"

Suddenly, a series of violent jerks causes Ms. Smith's eyes to pop open. Miraculously, BAAB has realized that she has a more than one pedal underneath her steering wheel and decides that just for the heck of it, just this one time, she will see what happens when she presses on the big flat one to the left of the gas pedal. "WHOA! Guys, look at this! When I push this one here, it makes the bus go slower! I should experiment with this one more often! This is AWESOME!"

The preceding words cause everyone on the ride to stand up and ferociously clap. "WOOOH!", they scream. But since BAAB is also completely deaf in her right ear, she cannot hear the exclamations of approval. "UUUUH, this pedal is hard". With that, she slams on the brake. Those who were standing have now received a very unwanted and very unexpected version of the heimlich manuever.

Ms. Smith begins to cry. "I never pictured my deathbed to be a smelly, sticky bus that was likely bred from the depths of Mordor. I wanted to die warm in my bed after having a full, happy and experienced life!"

Suddenly a low, strong voice bellows, "Relax, will ya? Sheesh!"

"What the...?" Who are you?" Ms. Smith recoils in horror to see a large, muscular man dressed all in white. A man, who until five seconds ago was nowhere to be seen. His face is as clear as porcelain. A bright yellow glow eminates from his pores.

"I am the Angel Gabriel, and I was sent by God to spare the lives of you people. There was a glitch in the "plan" upstairs. The Angel Michael was playing Minesweeper on the "plan" computer and accidentally typed in "Death by Bus" instead of "Death by Sub". Luckily, I know Tae Kwon Do."

"What? Why is Tae Kwon Do necessary now?", cries Ms. Smith.

Gabriel screams, "JUDO CHOP!" and takes his open hand to BAAB's neck. Her head drops like a brick. He pulls BAAB's body from the front and drags her to the back of the now floating bus.

A small boy sitting on his mother's lap turns to her face, excitedly. "Mommy, I just saw the Angel Gabriel punch out an old woman! Score!"

The laughing Angel says, "You think that was cool, then watch this! Have any of you seen the movie 'Back to the Future?'".

With that, the bus starts to gain air speed. Within the time span of 10 seconds, the vehicle travels from the crowded entrance to 394 in Golden Valley to it's final stop on Hennepin Ave downtown. In amazement, Ms. Smith notices that people waiting at the stop have not been affected by the sudden appearance of the floating jet bus. In fact, it is as though nothing extraordinary has happened at all!

"Ok, peeps, this is your final stop! Get moving, I don't have time to stand around all evening!"

The passengers, all in utter confusion, slowly start towards the open doors. Well, all of them except Ms. Smith. With her mouth dropped to the floor, she achingly stands up and paces to Gabriel. Her steps are as confident as those of a toddler who has just learned to walk.

"So you are an Angel?"
"Yes".
"And you know how and when I'm going to die?"
"Yes".
"Can I ask you something extremely important?"
"Go ahead."
"Am I going to heaven or hell?"

Gabriel stares at Ms. Smith with a strong intensity. Ms. Smith feels a change in her entire body, as though every emotion she's ever felt are now completely co-existing in their strongest phases.

"Now you know the answer to your question, right?"
"Yes, for how long?"
"For the remainder of your time on this bus. Now go home, my child."

Ms. Smith slowly turns around and exits off the bus. Her first step hits the concrete sidewalk and the numbness and confusion that has filled every day of her entire life engulfs her mind with such a force that it makes her fall to the ground. She completely forgets the question she posed to Gabriel and the answer she received just moments before. A nearby stranger rushes to her side and pulls her up. "Are you OK?, she says.

"Yeah, did you see what happened with the bus?"
"What bus?"
"The freaking bus that just floated to this stop! The bus I just tripped off from!"
"That guy's dog ran in front of you. You fell pretty hard. I haven't seen a bus in the past five minutes or so."

Ms. Smith frantically turns her head around to examine the scene. The lady was right, there isn't a bus in sight. She looks to the corner of the street and sees a short man wearing black shades. In his tense hands, he grasps a thick and taut leash to which an excited, barking dog is attached to the end. The man yells, "I'm so sorry, he just gets playful sometimes!"

The lady who helped her up says, "Are you sure you are OK? Maybe you got a concussion."
"No, really, I'm OK. You can let me go now. I live blocks away from here. I just want to go home. Thanks for your help."
"Ok, take it easy, will ya?"
"Ok".

Befuddled, Ms. Smith takes a moment to make sure all her belonging are intact. She starts a careful and confusing way home. Her stomach begins to grumble. Noticing the yellow glow of the Subway restaurant sign on her right, she decides to grab a bite to eat. All those miracles in one day can make a person hungry, you know.