Otto, Please!

Ok, so i just starting working at this place in Golden Valley, which requires me to ride the bus to and from home. No biggie, as I've ridden the bus MANY a time. Compare those costs to what it would be with a car and insurance, and it saves hundreds, if not thousands of $ a year!
Anyway. So the first time I hopped on the route home I stepped onto unknown (and soon to be obvious) unsafe territory.
Picture this bus driver in your head: an old lady, somewhere in her 60's. Long hair as white as snow. Glasses as thick as a the bottom of a glass bottle. Now assume as to what her driving talents could possibly be, based on those facts alone. Now factor in that her driving teacher was most likely Evil Knievel.
I have never been so terrified as a bus passenger as I am now. Hopefully her shift will change very soon and she'll be assigned to a new route. I've heard that all the drivers rotate every two weeks or so.
I hopped on the bus thursday evening, sat in a comfy seat and assumed that this would be a nice relaxing 10-minute ride home. Think again. She would NOT stop talking! Not only that, but everyone could hear it because she moved the microphone to her mouth so it was broadcast over the P.A. system. She gave a 5-minute lecture on how the bus rates would go up by a quarter the next day. Then the remaining 5 were her slamming on the brakes, cutting off traffic on the interstate (even other busses!), yelling in her microphone to tell other drivers to get out of the way (as if they could even hear her at all), and honking the horn at just about anything that seemed to move in front of, beside or blocks away. AAAAH!
During today's ride I just sunk my nails into the foam seat ahead of me and prayed. Occasionally, that prayer was interrupted by silent screaming and gasping but I think He got the drift. I had expected to arrive downtown to hear screaming on the sidewalk and flying baby carriages, but luckily that didn't happen. YET. Ironically, after hopping off the mobile tunnel of terror I felt the sudden need to see "War of the Worlds". I highly recommend it!
Where's Otto the bus driver when you need him? He would be a vast improvement.